Five steps to last longer in bed: men’s sexual Dysfunction

Men’s sexual issues hit deep in a man’s psyche, identity level of who they are as a man, their masculinity and sexual confidence.

​Men can often feel so very alone, find it difficult to talk about and often ignore the sexual issue. ​They do not want to get caught up in the cycle of anxious thoughts, limiting beliefs, dis-empowered mindset or fears which then leads to a frustrated sexual performance. Yet they do not know who to move to pass this.

​Here are my top 5 tips for overcoming sexual dysfunction so you can last longer in bed.

Step 1 – Stop focusing on what you don’t want

It’s very easy, on a conscious or subconscious level, to focus on what you don’t have yet or don’t want. Such as – I’m going to lose my erection. I’m not going to please my partner. I’m going to ejaculate too quickly.

This thinking style quickly escalates into thought loops – which is when the thoughts go round and round without an exit point or any form of resolution. A thought loop may go something like: “I feel like sex tonight. But I can’t because I will come too quickly. I don’t feel like a man. I won’t be able to sexually please my partner. I am going to fail. My partner will leave me”.

ACTION: When you find yourself thinking of what you don’t want – simply shift your awareness, attention and focus to what you do want. My suggestion is to do this without any judgement or pressure on yourself – as this holds you back.

Albert Einstein said we can’t solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them

Step 2 – Get outside of your comfort zone

If you always do what you always did you will always get what you always got!  If you want a better sex life and last longer in bed it’s important you step just outside of your comfort zone and by that I mean that you are willing to take risks, to initiate sex and stop allowing sex to be the elephant in the room.

Action: Stop allowing fear to dominate your sexual actions. Take small steps towards change and towards the edge of your comfort zone 

Step 3 – Stop beating yourself up

Many of my clients tend to beat themselves up when they encounter sexual issues, and if things don’t go the way they wanted or expected sexual. They align what happened with their identity as a man.

Perhaps you notice that you start judging yourself and then mentally and emotionally start to beat yourself up – you start to get annoyed, angry and frustration and then bump into more fears and insecurities – and this creates the anxiety cycle.

​This cycle of beating yourself up, judging and sexual anxiety keeps you stuck. 

Action: Begin to notice when you beat yourself up, when you get addicted to over thinking and are over analysing. When it happens ask yourself it is helpful to beat myself up? I wonder how it would make a difference if you were more forgiving and accepting of yourself?

Step 4 – Learn how to be more present and connected during sex

Perhaps you get so caught up in being a good lover, giving your partner an orgasm and being able to perform, focus on what your penis is doing and worrying about lasting longer in bed that you actually forget how to be present and connected during sex and with your partner.

Men often think the power of sex comes from their performance first. Of course this matters and makes a difference but it’s not the most important thing. The first important aspect is your presence.

Action: Being present is about being present with yourself – being connected to yourself, being whole.  Practice bringing your awareness to the here and now. When your thoughts being to wander – bring your awareness to you in-breath and out-breath.


This video can help you to stop being so hyper-focussed on what is happening with your penis and allow yourself to be more connected and present during sex.

Step 5 – Trust your ability to create change

 Don King said “Confidence comes not from knowing you know everything but from knowing you can handle what comes up.

Don’t worry if you are not where you want to be right at the moment in time – be confident in your potential. You were born with an amazing amount of skills, strengths and resources – learn to tap into them and use them.

Action: Stop focusing on what has happened in the past or what may happen in the future. Focus on the outcome you want and the solution. Think of all the situations you have improved – you did that because you have an amazing amount of skills, strengths and resources – learn how to utilise them to help you resolve your sexual issues. 

Linda Connors

Linda Connors is Europe’s Leading Sex Hypnotherapist and Confidence Coach and works with executives to overcome male sexual issues.

​Appointments for London hypnotherapy are in London Harley Street and also through Skype.

​To work with Linda and discover how she can help you last longer in bed call 075 3421 3557.

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