It can be such as shock when you discover your partner has been watching porn in secret. You may feel angry, alone, upset, and worried he may no longer find you attractive.
There are many complicated reasons why men watch porn, and often it is not just about sex.
In this video "what to do when you discover your partner is addicted to porn" are steps for you to take.
After the initial shock, anger and upset you may begin to see this an opportunity to work together to create the relationship and life you both want - free from the influence of porn.
How you can support your partner when they are addicted to porn
Loving someone who is addicted to porn is difficult. They have changed from the loving, caring and doting partner to someone who is detached, maybe suffering from porn induced sexual dysfunction, or disconnected from life.
No matter how much you love your partner it’s important to remember this is their own personal journey they must take. Be there to support them when needed – but it’s essential to know that you can’t make them stop watching porn. No matter how much you love them, how much they love you you must take a step back and allow them to take this journey themselves.
Of course, be there to support them. To talk to them. Set your own personal boundaries. But do not overly nurture them or try to control them.
Understand that porn addiction is a legitimate addiction. Scientific tests has shown the true extent of porn addiction on the brain, the chemical releases and sexual dysfunction.
The good news porn addiction and the behaviour patterns can be rectified if the person is ready, willing and able to stop watching porn. If they are not able to do this themselves professional help is available to support them on this journey.
Like any addiction from cocaine, gambling to drinking addictions the person must want help and want to change. It takes courage to change your life especially when resolving an addiction.
Linda works with men who want to end porn addiction. To stop watching porn call 075 3421 3557.
Appointments are available in London Harley Street or Skype.
The inner critic. We all have one - that voice from within that warns us, holds us back, tells us we are not good enough. The inner critic can also be the way fear, judgement or anxiety expresses itself through thoughts. The voice is usually negative, doom and gloom.
The problem with the inner critic is so much as what it says - it's the way many accept the inner critic as 100% fact and allow it to dominate their lives. For some this goes on for years and they only live half a life because they are not living up to their potential.
When we begin to understand that one of function of the inner critic is in a way to protect us from harm, embarrassment or things going wrong we can begin to build a new relationship with the inner critic.
In this video I share with you three ways to silence your inner critic so you can begin to step up and be who you truly are in your career, relationship and life.
About Linda Connors
Linda is a Coach and Hypnotherapist in London working with aspiring leaders, executives and business owners to tap into their potential so they can enjoy more meaningful love, success and happiness.
To book an appointment or enquire about Linda's hypnotherapy and coaching programmes call 075 3421 3557.
Questions that we ask ourselves are powerful tools. They can provide a pathway towards growth, hope and insights. They also have the power to keep us stuck and destroy the possibility of change.
The key is asking the right high grade questions with an open mind, heart and body. Enter a space of curiosity and courage and allow the questions to be your guide.
The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing. Albert Einstein
The mind loves to recycle thoughts.
* I'm not good enough.
* I'm not worthy.
* I'm stupid.
* Why can't I get this right?
* I'm a failure.
Perhaps you have other recycled thoughts which are on constant repeat.
Begin to see these thoughts are coming from the judgement mindset or the inner-critic mindset.
Pay attention to how your body responds to them.
Let me give you an example of the thinking patterns of a man who ejaculates to soon is often:
* Will my partner leave me?
* Will I last longer this time?
* I can't control it
* I feel too anxious
* I am going to fail
* I am not a man
* I can't please my partner
* What does she think of me?
These questions/statements keeps the man stuck in the cycle of anxiety, stressed thoughts and loss of ejaculation control. It also blocks him from moving forward so he can last longer in bed.
Learning how to coach yourself by asking powerful questions
The way to change these questions and statements is start a line of inquiry with yourself.
What assumptions am I making? Is this true? What do I need right now?
Consider these questions as coming from a inquiring mind, or as some like to call it the learning/growth mind-set. Notice the difference on how they feel in your body when you ask them in your mind.
When you ask powerful and high grade questions from the inquiring mind it guides you forward into new possibilities rather than focusing on the past.
You then become your own self-coaches. It also opens up a whole new world full of possibilities, success, happiness and change.
That's the power of the questions we ask ourselves!
About Linda Connors
In this article I want to share a very personal story about how chronic blushing influenced my life, held me back in my 20s and 30s and how I stopped blushing.
I share my story to show others who suffer from chronic blushing that it is possible to stop blushing and reclaim your life. When you stop trying to hide or runaway from situations, when you are no longer afraid to be the centre of attention or to be asked a question in a meeting. When you can talk to others without the fear of blushing crushing you down.
My Chronic Blushing story
From my early twenties until my mid thirties blushing ruled my life. Blushing felt liked chains that restricted my life, movement, communication and happiness. It influenced the choices I made, the jobs I accepted, how I communicated and the social events I attended.
Underneath the physical aspect of blushing I suffered from low anxiety, insecurities, fears, anxieties and a feeling of not being good enough. On a deeper level it was a sense of shame of who I was as a person - which all manifested into blushing. I hid my light from myself and the world. I feared being judged or being criticised.
Blushing became a narrow lens in which I viewed the world and it restricted my life and how I was as a person. Important life decisions and choices were made based upon whether I would blush or not. I played small in this game of life and made small decisions. It felt so incredibly frustrating because I knew I had more to give to the world and had the ability to create the life I wanted - yet the blushing was weighing me down.
How I stopped blushing
The more I avoided, created my own inner drama, listened to the anxious thoughts and tried to push away the fear the blushing became more intense. I was tired of fighting the blushing so I decided to simply accept the blushing.
I worked on changing my mindset, how I responded to my thoughts and belief system. I learned to love myself and felt more confident within my own body and around other people. I started taking risks and started showing up more. My communicated improved as I broke the physical and emotional blushing behaviour pattern and created a new response of love, strength, calmness and confidence.
I started living again
Once I learnt how to stop letting the fear of blushing control my life and created acceptance the blushing naturally reduced until it stopped completely.
As the chains of blushing released my life transformed. I stopped holding myself back. I stopped hiding. I stepped forward with confidence, self love, freedom, and a deep sense of self-worth.
I began to live again. I became aware of many opportunities and possibilities and made decisions out of love rather than fear. Ten years ago I left my job, studied and retrained as a hypnotherapist and coach. Since that time I performed comedy sketches on stage, done public talks and presentations, and when I am attending courses and workshops I speak freely without any fear of blushing.
My experience can help you to stop blushing
When clients tell me about their experiences I get it. I know what's it like to fear the fear of blushing. I know what's like to want the ground to open up and shallow me when my face is burning red in embarrassment. I know what's it like to restrict my life so I keep "safe" and don't blush.
It's through my own experiences of blushing that I created the powerful Stop Blushing Hypnotherapy Programme for executives - as many therapies, coaching and hypnosis simply focus on the mind. I work with the mind, body and heart - all of you.
I am fiercely committed to helping others to break the chains of blushing and live life to the full.
“Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" Mary Oliver
This beautiful line from Mary Oliver's poem This Summer's Day reminds me that this is the one life that we have. Each day that we breathe and live upon this earth is precious - much more precious than blushing. We all have a choice on how we spend each day - what is your choice?
About Linda Connors
London Hypnotherapist and Coach Linda Connors works with stressed out executives and professionals who want a better life, more happiness and freedom in their life. Since 2007 she has helped many professionals to stop blushing and start living.
You are invited to contact Linda and book your stop blushing session in London Harley Street or on Skype. Call 075 3421 3557
Do you avoid intimacy by working long hours, keeping yourself too busy, not allocating time to your partner? Or Perhaps you keep your relationship on a very surface level? What masks are you wearing in your relationship?
We often hear that fear of public speaking or death is our greatest fear. However through my own personal experience many years ago, and my professional experience, I believe that the fear of intimacy and love is our greatest fear.
The fear of intimacy has a huge impact on a person's life from friendships, relationships, work performance and work relationships.
When we step into the power of intimacy we truly create deep inner change. The Irish Philosopher John O'Donohue writes it so beautifully:
When love awakens in your life, in the night of your heart, it is like the dawn breaking within you. Where before there was anonymity, now there is intimacy; where before there was fear, now there is courage; where before in your life there was awkwardness, now there is a rhythm of grace and gracefulness; where before you used to be jagged, now you are elegant and in rhythm with your self. When love awakens in your life, it is like a rebirth, a new beginning.
For some people, somewhere in the depth of the unconsciousness mind and their inner landscape, there is a part which fears intimacy, fearing rejection, love or abandonment due to past relationships, childhood issues or lack of confidence and self esteem.
The fear of intimacy places a wall or barrier around the heart which restricts the energy of love and intimacy.
What is intimacy
Intimacy allows us to share ourselves fully with another - to open our hearts and share our deepest fears, vulnerabilities, our dreams, hopes and desires. It provides a beautiful dance of connection between two hearts. It allows us to be be fully seen with all that we are without any facade, unguarded, undefended, authentic and to be emotionally open with the ability to show our vulnerable side.
Why is intimacy important
Intimacy is important to us just as air and water is. It allows us to grow and become who we truly are and from that place build deep and loving relationships.
Each person has six important and fundamental aspects in our lives - mind, body, physical, social, emotional and spiritual. Each aspect is created to work together in harmony towards a loving and intimate relationship.
However, in today's society, intimacy becomes a fast physical act of instant pleasure and gratification. The mind, body, social, emotional and spiritual parts become disconnected, and the search for intimacy flows from one relationship to another looking for deep intimacy in disguised for sex.
Without intimacy we are disconnected from our source of love, ourselves and relationships. Intimacy is essential to our emotional well being and a fulfilled life.
Steps to help build intimacy
Take time out for you
The most important first step is to build and develop a relationship with yourself. This helps to reconnect with your mind, body and spirit.
Take time out each day - even 10 to 15 minutes can be powerful, and just breathe, connect with your body and your feelings.
By first being compassionate with yourself you can then be compassionate and understanding to others. Be aware of your inner voice - how does it speak to you - is it critical? With judgement? Or is it with love and compassion? How does your inner voice impact how you communicate with others?
Connect with your heart
Connecting with your heart at an emotional level involves sharing and being open to yourself and the other person. Share ideas, thoughts, laugh and have fun together.
Connect with your spirit
Connecting with yourself and your partner on a spiritual level involves encouraging and supporting each other through personal growth. It means supporting each other's path to help yourself and your partner to connect with your highest self.
Overcome your blocks to intimacy
Each person has their own inner journey towards intimacy, for some it may feel like they are climbing a mountain, each step is overcoming a barrier, a fear or issue, each step is heading towards the top.
Intimacy is an expression of love for yourself and for others. Each person, including you, has the capacity to create loving intimacy relationships - sometimes we just need to re-learn what we were taught in childhood.
About Linda Connors
Linda Connors is a Hypnotherapist and Coach and offers a fear of intimacy hypnotherapy programme for men, women and couples to overcome their fear of intimacy to bring more love, connection and fun into their lives and relationships.
From the men I have worked with I have seen first hand how porn addiction is having a detrimental effect on men's lives - work is suffering, sex life becomes boring as they need more extreme ways to get turned on, relationships and intimacy are at a low and it can take longer to ejaculate with their sexual partner.
The differences between watching porn and having physical sex on your mind, body and heart are worlds apart. Porn addiction causes disconnection and real physical sex causes a deeper connection and intimacy between two people.
According to research just watching 5 hours of porn changes the brain and influences sexual beliefs and attitudes towards women. As porn becomes the norm many men do not even realise this impact and how many of their lives suffer.
Is there any place for porn in a relationship?
Absolutely! Porn (with boundaries) can be a fun way to introduce new games into a couple's sex life and bring a new dimension. It's about the intention and the connection between the two people and how porn can support them on their intimacy, passionate and fun journey together - as opposed to someone who is addicted to porn and becomes isolated and alone.
If you constantly watch porn alone it begins to build a large gap between yourself and those around them. It takes your energy, focus and sexual desire and manifests it in a way which isn't real, connected or from a place of intimacy.
About Linda Connors
Linda is a Porn Addiction Therapist in London Harley Street and Skype and helps professional men stop watching porn and reconnect to life, relationships and sex.
If you are needing help now get in touch by clicking here.
I wish my very best for you.
Are you aware of the inner dialogue, thoughts and stories you carry around in your mind? Are you aware of how these limit your life and restrict you from being you?
Many of us tend to carry stories around with us on who we think we are; these stories may be made up of self-beliefs, experiences or relationships with others. They may be created from our younger years from siblings, parents and teachers.
In these stories we create a character in which our decisions, purpose, vision and mental and emotional state all represent. This character, which is really ourselves, also likes to create labels. I am unlovable, an addict, depressed, anxious hopeful or a failure. The list can go on and on, but I am sure you get the picture.
People act our their stories and labels. So the sexually anxious person stops performing in bed. The person who blushes constantly blushes. The person who fears intimacy blocks love and connection. The person who feels they are unlovable date people who will fulfil this self-fulfilling prophecy
The stories and labels you carry around do not define you. It may feel that these stories are part of who you are and your identity - but they are not.
You are not anxious - you are experiencing anxiety now.
You are not unlovable - you only think you are unlovable.
You are not a failure - you are learning and finding a new way forward.
All through my childhood and right up to my early thirties I carried many stories around in my head that I am not worthy, not lovable and I aligned my identity with anxiety and depression.
Every action, thought, movement and decision I made were from the story I carried around in my mind. I can't apply for that job as I won't be good enough. I can't go to my friend's birthday celebration as I will be too anxious. I can't go on a date as I am unlovable.
These stories and labels placed restrictions on my choices and limited my life. Just over ten years ago I decided to rewrite my stories, labels and thoughts. I broke free from the self-made chains of my mind, body and heart and that enabled me to move forward in a new way - with self-love, self-esteem, confidence and courage.
Whatever stories you are carrying around - from anxious, painful, or low self-esteem - remember they are not you. Notice how they hold you back and block your life.
Begin to see these stories for what they truly are - they can be a door opening to allow you to live a new way, giving you the courage to release the stories and write a new story which will set your free.
Are you ready?
Linda Connors is a London Hypnotherapist in Harley Street. She helps executives rewrite their mindset, thoughts and beliefs so they can be free to be themselves at work, in relationships and during sex.
Speak to Linda now on 075 3421 3557 or click here to send a confidential message
Linda is a London Hypnotherapist Harley Street. She helps
Do you lack energy for sex and suffer from a low sex drive and low libido? If you answer is yes - know that you are not alone.
In our modern day society, many women have become expert in juggling their life – work, family, children, partners, friends and social life. They spend a lot of emotional and physical emotional energy on other commitments, and their own needs are put at the bottom of the list. So when it comes to sex, they are simply too tired, drained, and not in the mood to even think about it.
Low libido and low sex drive can create issues, conflicts and frustration in the relationship. On a subconscious level they put their partner, sex and themselves at the bottom of their to-do lists.
As a Sex Hypnotherapist and Confident Coach I have worked with many women who suffer from low libido and sex drive. They simply no longer think about sex, or have any energy left for sex.
Where are you investing your sexual energy?
Sex and sexual relationships for women are multidimensional – meaning that it is not just a physically act but also an emotional one with a deep level of intimacy. If you are running around constantly, thinking about to do lists, making dinner preparations, food shopping, finishing reports for work, always checking work emails, and in the middle of this also looking after your children - it’s a little wonder you do not have the energy or emotions for sex – you are simply too stressed or tired out!
Here are my top six tips to help you increase your sexual desire and sexual libido:
Increase Sex Drive Tip 1 - Create time for you
Make time for you. Just for you. This is essential to de-stress, recharge your batteries and unwind.
If you have a busy life schedule, even just take 5 or 10 minutes out. Have a bath, read a book, go for a walk, do some yoga or meditate.
This helps to reconnect to yourself and also lowers the stress hormone cortisol.
Increase Sex Drive Tip 2 - Reconnect to your sexual energy
Bring your awareness back to you. Back to your heart and body. How do you move your body? What is your relationship like with your body and vagina? Notice where you are investing your energy and bring the energy back to you.
Go our dancing, have fun, be spontaneous, give each other a non-sexual but very sensual massage!
This helps to reconnect to you, your body and sexual energy.
Increase Sex Drive Tip 3 - Go solo
Women often carry a lot of shame about self pleasure and masturbation. It's the unspoken act. Get some sex toys and experiment with yourself. Learn what turns you on. What feels good and what your hot spots are.
Increase Sex Drive Tip 4 - Feel alive again!
Break out of your routine. Go away for an afternoon, or if time allows for the weekend. Break out of your routine, do something challenging and different - go canoeing, or hiking together to get you out of your patterns and comfort zone.
Increase Sex Drive Tip 5 - Exercise
Start to exercise. Go to the gym, bike ride, swim, or walk. It doesn't matter what you do just move your body.
Exercise helps with the blood flow and releases the happy chemicals into your body called endorphins.
Increase Sex Drive Tip 5 - Go on date night
Put away your to do lists and learn to put your relationship and partner first. Go out for dinner together, dress up, wear some sexy lingerie - wear it for yourself. Don’t talk about work, or the children, focus on each other - get to know each other again and have fun!
About Linda Connors
Linda Connors is a London Sex Hypnotherapist for sexual dysfunction. She helps men, women and couples reinvent their sex life through confidence, connection, love and heart.
If you want to increase your sex drive call Linda now on 075 3421 3557 or send a message here. Your sex drive is an innate part of you, although it may feel lost but it's still within you - I will help you to reconnect with it.
Just imagine there is a secret doorway that allows you access your most innermost part of you. Behind this door lies two paths. One path is a wealth of knowledge, wisdom and understanding. The other path is for your behaviour patterns and beliefs.
Say for example you may experience early ejaculation. One of these paths lies your potential, your ability to last longer in bed and innate knowledge on how to control ejaculation. The other path is your behaviour patterns and beliefs and why you ejaculation so quickly - and there may be many reasons for this - physical conditioned response, learnt behaviour, or deeper underlying reasons.
This second path is neutral - it's doing what it think it needs to do for whatever reason. It is stuck in a loop and is keep repeating the pattern because that is what it does. There are no positive or negative actions in the subconscious mind - it just does what it does.
Now imagine these two paths reconnect - so the wisdom, knowledge and understanding connects with the route of your behaviour patterns and beliefs. This path brings balance and harmony back into your mind, body and heart because when these two paths cross and connect and the innate wisdom, knowledge and understanding expand it helps the behaviour patterns and beliefs to shift and change.
This example is one element of hypnotherapy. It's very powerful because it allows access into your subconscious mind without the filters of the conscious mind getting in the way.
A very experienced hypnotherapist it is used to help with sexual dysfunction, fear of intimacy, and relationship problems.
How hypnosis and hypnotherapy can help you to live a more fulfilled, loving and successful life
Hypnotherapy provides a path to break down the blocks, shields and barriers which get in your way to live a more fulfilled life. Often these behaviours, patterns and blocks have become so engrained they simply form part of our life - hypnosis helps to shine a light on these areas with understanding, awareness, and compassion so you can change more easily.
Hypnotherapy supports you to open your heart, mind and body, to let go of fears and anxiety and to show up fully in all areas of your life - from career, relationships, sexual, and personal.
Linda Connors is a Leading London Hypnotherapist for executives in Harley Street. Specialising in sexual dysfunction, fear of intimacy, anxiety and relationships she helps people to live a loving, free, fun and successful life.
To speak to Linda and book an appointment please call 075 3421 3557. She is more than happy to talk to you.
Sex is an essential part of adult life and relationships. When your partner suffers from vaginismus, or experiences painful sex, it is only natural that it may start to impact the relationship. Sex forms an important part in relationships and vaginismus can certainly strain any relationship. Men are often lost on how to deal with it and support their partner.
Vaginismus is a vaginal tightness which either prevents the penis from entering the vagina or causes painful sex.
Men often feel helpless, confused, shut out and have no idea to help and support their partner at during this time. You may feel guilty that you still want to have sex and when you have sex with you partner you then worry it's are causing her pain.
With over ten years experience as a Sex Hypnotherapist here are my top six tips to be supportive to your partner when she is suffering from Vaginismus.
1. Be supportive to your partner
Be supportive with your partner, ask her questions, encourage her to seek treatment and sex hypnotherapy. Throughout the therapy process continue to be supportive. Ask your partner how you can help and be involved.
By being positive will help your partner to stay motivated and focussed.
2. Educate yourself
Educate yourself by reading websites, forum or articles on what vaginismus is and what help is available. You may be finding it sexually frustrating not being able to have sex with your partner - however she is most likely feeling anxious you may leave her, worried she can't have children, not feel normal and lost.
3. Celebrate success together
During the therapy and process it's important to acknowledge and celebrate success together - regardless of how small or big the success is.
4. Be honest about your feelings
Many men remain silent about how their vaginismus impacts them by bottling up anger, guilt, frustration and stress associated with not being able to experience a natural and healthy sex life with their partner.
It's important you are honest with your partner about how you are feeling. Discuss that you still have sexual feelings towards her. One of the key aspects to overcoming this as a couple is communication between the two of you.
5. Continue to be intimate
Often the male will deny any sexual feelings and desire for sexual intimacy walking on eggshells around his partner and avoiding any sexual contact with her.
Remember sexual intercourse is not the only way you can be intimate with each other. Rediscover your body's partner, and let her rediscover yours by massage, stroking, sensual touch and stimulation.
Initially, she may fear that this may lead to sex - assure her it won't - not until she is ready.
6. Enjoy and have fun together!
By communicating, being open and intimate with each other will not only help your partner over vaginismus and painful sex but also strengthen your relationship with each other.
Europe's Leading Sex Hypnotherapist Linda Connors is a specialist in sexual dysfunction. She works with women who experience Vaginismus to overcome it and through Sex hypnotherapy and Confidence coaching helps them to enjoy sex again.
Appointments for Vaginismus Therapy are available in London Harley Street and internationally on Skype. Call 075 3421 3557 today to speak to Linda and get your sex life back.