- Anorgasmia – inability to orgasm despite stimulation
- Vaginismus – involuntary contraction of the vagina during intercourse, use of tampons or medical examinations
- Vulvodynia or vulvar vestibulitis – pain at the entrance of the vagina during sex or tampon insertion
- Dysorgasmia – painful orgasms (this can also happen with men too)
- Dyspareunia – painful sex
Most women often only hear of these conditions when they are formally diagnosed by a doctor or they decide to do a search on the internet. They often suffer for years before they decide to seek help. They sexually push their partner away, feel alone and feel that something is wrong with them.
Despite the myth that women like talking about their emotions many women simply don’t like to talk about their sexual problems – or the lack of sex. Feelings of being ashamed and embarrassed are often high and sex becomes out of reach as they disconnect from their sexual self.
There are many underlying issues causing women’s sexual dysfunction from medical conditions, emotional, relationship with body, disconnection from vagina, fear of rejection, religious and conservative upbringing, or trauma/abuse.
In my practice I have seen women who have been married for 15 years and they have never been able to have sex with their husband. They come to me because they want one last try to start a family. Women who avoid sex because they can’t orgasm. Women who are too afraid to start a relationship because they fear sex will hurt. They carry all of this weight, shame and guilt, fear and embarrassment on their shoulders and in their hearts. Their closest friends often do no even know what they are going through. It impacts their confidence, sense of femininity, relationships and self love.
It’s a crazy world we live in. Let’s compare the difference names between men and women’s sexual issues – premature ejaculation or erectile dysfunction – it’s pretty obvious what these relates to. Now look at the names used for women’s sexual dysfunctions – Vaginismus or Vulvodynia. You will need to do a google search to know what these relate to. It’s time we normalised women’s sexual issues. It’s time we ended the shame around women and sex. The shame of having a vagina. The shame of having a sexual issue. We need to talk about this more openly and freely because as a society many women still carry wounds on a deep unconscious level about sex and their sexuality.
Sex is something to be enjoyed and embraced not something to hide away in shame or embarrassment. If you experience a sexual issue know that mostly likely it can be solved. But you must take action. The first step is to speak to your doctor to rule out any underlying medical condition then look for a trained therapist to work with you. Working with men and women sexual issues are very different and it’s essential the person you work with understands this.
Please share this post so more women are aware of female sexual dysfunction.
About Linda Connors
For more information please call 0753421 3557.