As a confidence coach, one of the traps I see many people getting into is they want to be more confident but they actually spend little time on what confidence means to them.
When people think about confidence it’s often a thought of: “I want more confidence”, “I want confidence to speak up in meetings” “I want more sexually confidence” “I want to be a confident leader” and the want lists of “doing” continues. It’s really important to remember that confidence isn’t a state of doing or wanting – it’s a way of being where your mind, body, heart and spirit come into true alignment with your real true self and how you want to live your life.
Being confident is about connecting to your true self and allowing this to be naturally expressed in your life. Yet many people get into the trap of forcing confidence, wait until they are prefect, or long for the day when confidence magically arrives and brings all their personal wrongs to right, and all goals into reality.
Many simple accept these confidence traps so they put off truly living because they do not feel confident enough to ask someone on a date, ask for a payrise, have sex, or speak up in a meeting. Life eventually passes by them and before they know it they are on their deathbed with deep heartfelt regrets and many lost dreams.
It doesn’t need to be this way!
Building my own confidence was a journey for me which spans back to childhood, teenage years, and growing into an adult. I held myself back, kept safe and played small. It’s fair to say I was very unhappy. Building my own confidence was a journey of meeting myself, learning to love myself, how to respond to the inner critic, connecting with my inner mentor, and be in the grace of acceptance.
Building confidence was not about waiting for the day when I was perfect – it was learning to live in this moment from a place of confidence. Meeting any judgement, fears and the inner critic from a place of love, kindness and acceptance AND still taking risks, learning to show up fully and expressing my true self in the world.