Sex is an essential part of adult life and relationships. When your partner suffers from vaginismus, or experiences painful sex, it is only natural that it may start to impact the relationship. Sex forms an important part in relationships and vaginismus can certainly strain any relationship. Men are often lost on how to deal with it and support their partner.

Vaginismus is a vaginal tightness which either prevents the penis from entering the vagina or causes painful sex.

Men often feel helpless, confused, shut out and have no idea to help and support their partner at during this time. You may feel guilty that you still want to have sex and when you have sex with you partner you then worry it’s are causing her pain.

With over ten years experience as a Sex Hypnotherapist here are my top six tips to be supportive to your partner when she is suffering from Vaginismus.

1. Be supportive to your partner

Be supportive with your partner, ask her questions, encourage her to seek treatment and sex hypnotherapy.  Throughout the therapy process continue to be supportive.  Ask your partner how you can help and be involved. 

By being positive will help your partner to stay motivated and focussed.  

2. Educate yourself

Educate yourself by reading websites, forum or articles on what vaginismus is and what help is available. You may be finding it sexually frustrating not being able to have sex with your partner – however she is most likely feeling anxious you may leave her, worried she can’t have children, not feel normal and lost.

3. Celebrate success together

During the therapy and process it’s important to acknowledge and celebrate success together – regardless of how small or big the success is. 

4. Be honest about your feelings

Many men remain silent about how their vaginismus impacts them by bottling up anger, guilt, frustration and stress associated with not being able to experience a natural and healthy sex life with their partner. 

It’s important you are honest with your partner about how you are feeling.  Discuss that you still have sexual feelings towards her.  One of the key aspects to overcoming this as a couple is communication between the two of you.

5. Continue to be intimate

Often the male will deny any sexual feelings and desire for sexual intimacy walking on eggshells around his partner and avoiding any sexual contact with her.
Remember sexual intercourse is not the only way you can be intimate with each other.  Rediscover your body’s partner, and let her rediscover yours by massage, stroking, sensual touch and stimulation.   

Initially, she may fear that this may lead to sex – assure her it won’t – not until she is ready.

6. Enjoy and have fun together!

By communicating, being open and intimate with each other will not only help your partner over vaginismus and painful sex but also strengthen your relationship with each other.



Linda Connors – Europe’s Leading Sex Hypnotherapist

Europe’s Leading Sex Hypnotherapist Linda Connors is a specialist in sexual dysfunction. She works with women who experience Vaginismus to overcome it and through Sex hypnotherapy and Confidence coaching helps them to enjoy sex again.

​Appointments for Vaginismus Therapy are available in London Harley Street and internationally on Skype. Call 075 3421 3557 today to speak to Linda and get your sex life back.

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