When you experience an issue in your sex life do you just accept it as it is? Think that it will be permanent issue and will not improve? Perhaps you limit your life by restricting the possibilities for sex, relationships or dating because you fear you will ejaculate too soon, lose your erection or just be too sexually anxious about your performance. 

​If so perhaps the fixed mindset is in the driving seat in your sex life. As a result it dominates your life and restricts your chances of sexual success, enjoyment and pleasure. Fixed mindset doesn’t seek improvement, or resultions – it is remained stuck and leaves you in the cycle of your sexual issues.

On the opposite end is the growth mindset. Growth mindset is the ability to activity seek out resolution, be willing to face the issue, be ready to take risks, and be willing to grow from the issue.

​Your sexual experience and performances are not fixed or set. With the right mindset you can grow from this experience and transform the sexual dysfunction, fears and anxieties for growth and sexual transformation. In fact, many of my clients has reported back to me that not only have their sexual issue been resolve – other areas of their life naturally transformed and change as well. 


Men, mindset and sex

Men often become fixated on their sexual issues, become hyper focus on what is happening with their penis during sex and putting too much pressure on themselves to please their partner.

The result – the pressure, the fear, anxieties and fixed mindset causes them to ejaculate too soon or lose their erection. They feel they are a failure and feel devastated. They become hypersensitive to what has gone wrong. Men remain focused on that point, become stuck and unable to move forward.

Does sound and feel familiar to you?

If so, you are not alone. ​This is how the fixed mindset operates – it keeps you restricted, stuck, anxious and limits your sexual success.


The Fixed Mindset

The fixed mindset restricts your sexual experiences and focuses on your perceived weaknesses.

  • Disconencts from the moment and hyper aware/focused on what your penis is doing.
  • Less resilience
  • Fears being vulnerable and not a man
  • Poor coping skills for failing
  • Avoids challenges (sex/dating) which will reveal your sexual issues
  • Failing / fear of failure is devasting and see it as a stepback
  • Negative and limiting beliefs and self-talk
  • Focus on past experiences and what has gone wrong
  • Harsh on themselves

The growth mindset

The growth mindset allows you to tap into the most important sexual qualities:

  • ​the ability to be truly present (without worrying what your penis is doing)
  • to be resilient
  • to be vulnerable
  • Not be afraid to take risks 
  • steps into challenges
  • Focus on strengths
  • Optimistic and open to new experiences and learnings
  • when things do go wrong respond with compassion and kindness.
  • Gives you the ability to ask empowering questions rather than negative self-talk.

How to last longer in bed with a growth mindset

If you identify with the fixed mindset know that you are not doing anything wrong, it’s simply a set of circumstances that lead you to this place. No person has a 100% growth mindset all the time. We are all human.

You may feel that you will always experience this sexual issue, especially if you have experienced it for many years. This is where a growth mindset can help.

A growth mindset creates a strong foundation to making changes. It can take practice to to work with your sexual issues from a growth mindset vocal point of view.  So begin to bring in the word “yet into your inner dialogue and notice how that feels in your body.

Here’s three steps to embodying the growth mindset – not just in your mind but also your body.

Step 1 – Developing Awareness
Step 2 – Changing your perspective
Step 3 – Take growth mindset action.

I will go further into these steps my next article so come back soon!  But for now here is a tip you can start implementing into your life now:


A powerful tip to implement now

Your self talk/ inner dialogue has a huge impact not on your mindset but also your penis and body.

Perhaps you focus and tell yourself:

  • I can’t control my erection
  • I can’t control my ejaculation

Notice when you say this to yourself it feels final. I can’t control my erection/ejaculation feels final. This is the end and it will never improve. Your body and penis may even have a physical reaction to these statements.

Begins to introduce the word “yet” into your innner dialogue

  • I can’t control my erection…yet
  • I can’t control my ejaculation…yet

The world yet opens up a world of possibilities. Repeat the statement which is linked to your sexual issues. Notice perhaps how your body, mind and penis respond tho this statement. It may be a subtle change. 

Come back soon to read to the part two of this article on how to create change in your mindset so it influences the sexual response you want.

I wish you a wonderful day.

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