Is fear of intimacy holding you back in life and relationships?

Do you avoid intimacy by working long hours, keeping yourself too busy, not allocating time to your partner? Or Perhaps you keep your relationship on a very surface level? What masks are you wearing in your relationship?

We often hear that fear of public speaking or death is our greatest fear. However through my own personal experience many years ago, and my professional experience, I believe that the fear of intimacy and love is our greatest fear.

​The fear of intimacy has a huge impact on a person’s life from friendships, relationships, work performance and work relationships.

When we step into the power of intimacy we truly create deep inner change. The Irish Philosopher John O’Donohue writes it so beautifully:

When love awakens in your life, in the night of your heart, it is like the dawn breaking within you. Where before there was anonymity, now there is intimacy; where before there was fear, now there is courage; where before in your life there was awkwardness, now there is a rhythm of grace and gracefulness; where before you used to be jagged, now you are elegant and in rhythm with your self. When love awakens in your life, it is like a rebirth, a new beginning.

​John O’Donohue

For some people, somewhere in the depth of the unconsciousness mind and their inner landscape, there is a part which fears intimacy, fearing rejection, love or abandonment due to past relationships, childhood issues or lack of confidence and self esteem.

The fear of intimacy places a wall or barrier around the heart which restricts the energy of love and intimacy.

What is intimacy

Intimacy allows us to share ourselves fully with another – to open our hearts and share our deepest fears, vulnerabilities, our dreams, hopes and desires. It provides a beautiful dance of connection between two hearts. It allows us to be be fully seen with all that we are without any facade, unguarded, undefended, authentic and to be emotionally open with the ability to show our vulnerable side.

Why is intimacy important

Intimacy is important to us just as air and water is. It allows us to grow and become who we truly are and from that place build deep and loving relationships.

Each person has six important and fundamental aspects in our lives – mind, body, physical, social, emotional and spiritual. Each aspect is created to work together in harmony towards a loving and intimate relationship.

However, in today’s society, intimacy becomes a fast physical act of instant pleasure and gratification. The mind, body, social, emotional and spiritual parts become disconnected, and the search for intimacy flows from one relationship to another looking for deep intimacy in disguised for sex.

Without intimacy we are disconnected from our source of love, ourselves and relationships. Intimacy is essential to our emotional well being and a fulfilled life.

Steps to help build intimacy

Take time out for you
The most important first step is to build and develop a relationship with yourself.  This helps to reconnect with your mind, body and spirit.

Take time out each day – even 10 to 15 minutes can be powerful, and just breathe, connect with your body and your feelings.

Be compassionate 
By first being compassionate with yourself you can then be compassionate and understanding to others. Be aware of your inner voice – how does it speak to you – is it critical? With judgement?  Or is it with love and compassion? How does your inner voice impact how you communicate with others?

Connect with your heart
Connecting with your heart at an emotional level involves sharing and being open to yourself and the other person.  Share ideas, thoughts, laugh and have fun together.

Connect with your spirit
Connecting with yourself and your partner on a spiritual level involves encouraging and supporting each other through personal growth.  It means supporting each other’s path to help yourself and your partner to connect with your highest self.

Overcome your blocks to intimacy
Each person has their own inner journey towards intimacy, for some it may feel like they are climbing a mountain, each step is overcoming a barrier, a fear or issue, each step is heading towards the top.

Intimacy is an expression of love for yourself and for others. Each person, including you,  has the capacity to create loving intimacy relationships – sometimes we just need to re-learn what we were taught in childhood.

About Linda Connors

Linda Connors is a Hypnotherapist and Coach and offers a fear of intimacy hypnotherapy programme for men, women and couples to overcome their fear of intimacy to bring more love, connection and fun into their lives and relationships.
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