As a Hypnotherapist and Coach, one of the areas I am passionate about is how our mindset, thoughts and beliefs can shape our reality. The beliefs men and women carry about themselves, beliefs in relationships, cultural beliefs all influences our lives, has a direct impact on our body, emotions, feelings and immune system. This influence is responsible for the actions we take, or don't take in our life. This isn't pop psychology - it's backed up by neurological scientific research.
I see how thoughts, mindset and beliefs are played out time and time again by the people who work with me. Let's look at a man who experiences premature ejaculation as an example. He thinks and believes that he will ejaculate too early when he has sex with his partner, as that is what has happened in the past. His mindset is set to failure mode, and his belief is that he won't be able to perform sexually. This system of thoughts, beliefs and mindset join together and send a message down into the body which causes the body to go into flight or flight mode, and he feels anxious. Combined with anxiety and the information provided from his mindset, belief system and thoughts his penis becomes too excited, sensitive and highly aroused and he ejaculates too quickly.
AN EXAMPLE OF HOW BELIEFS, THOUGHTS AND MINDSET SHAPES OUR LIVES
Dr Mario Martinez (a neurological psychologist) shares a fascinating story about how thoughts, beliefs and mindset create our reality.
During Cuban’s communist early days many left Cuba and moved to America – from people of poverty to those with a comfortable and wealthy lifestyle. These people who interviewed as they prepared to start their new life in a new country with a different culture and language.
The interviewer asked how they felt about moving to America. The poverty group responded by saying it’s going to be terrible. We don’t know the language. We have no money. It’s going to be tough. The people from the comfortable and wealthy lifestyle said America is full or opportunity.
Ten years later the interviewer contacted the two groups again to check on their progress. Many from the poverty group were living in ghettos and still struggling as they had done in Cuba. The wealthy group were living in nice and safe areas, had lovely homes and had rebuilt their life.
You may think yes of course – the wealthy group had money to support their move and rebuild their lives.
No. BOTH GROUPS WERE ONLY ALLOWED TO TAKE TWO BAGS EACH. NO MONEY. THAT’S IT. This story illustrates so beautifully the difference between the poverty and wealthy mindset (and I’m not just talking about financial wealth here).
YOUR BELIEFS AND MINDSET CAN HOLD YOU BACK
The beliefs you hold about yourself, and the world around you holds you back. I’m not good enough. I’m not worthy of love. Life is tough. I won’t succeed. Perhaps you notice you are living only half a life as you take your beliefs as fact. When we believe these things in the core of our body they hold us back. It’s as though we place an invisible wall around ourselves which where we live and act out our beliefs and mindset.
What beliefs are you holding onto that are creating blocks in your life? I can't perform sexually. I can't stop blushing. Anxiety is always going to be a big part of my life. I'm going to fail. I'm hopeless. The list in endless.
ALIGNING BELIEFS AND MINDSET WITH YOUR GOALS, DREAMS AND VISIONS
When our beliefs, thoughts and mindset align with our vision, dreams and goals and how we want to live our life this creates a paradigm shift. With a healthy belief system and a learner mindset, we begin to live with openness in mind, body and heart. We begin to see and experience that there is a lot of opportunity in the world. I’m worthy of love. It's okay to fail. I am capable.
As you can see from the above examples, each one of us does create our own reality. We live in an abundant world of opportunity, love, kindness, hope, compassion and wealth. When our beliefs and mindset mirror this abundance - we really can live as we are truly meant to.
Today you are invited to witness how your mindset and beliefs are influencing your life. Just witness them and notice the impact they have in your life. How you show up. How you communicate. At work. In the bedroom. Your bank account. Observe the direct influence they have over your body, emotions, and how you live your life.
This knowledge is the key to create the changes you seek.
Since 2007 Linda Connors, London Hypnotherapist and Coach, helps executives to change their mindset, thoughts and beliefs and to be aligned in mind, body, heart and spirit to experience more success and happiness.
To book your session contact Linda on 075 3421 3557
Sexual intimacy is such a natural, integral and core part of adult life and human relationships because it helps to reinforce the physical connection and emotional bond with your partner. It brings an added depth, connection, deeper love and togetherness in a relationship. However in this day and age of sexual freedom, disconnection and tinder many are forgetting the art of intimacy and sex.
Many bypass intimacy and often go straight to sex before they even get to know each other. Alcohol is used to get sexual confidence, and this brings further disconnection. Past relationships, fears, anxiety and past trauma can all block real intimacy in a relationship. For some couples, maintaining closeness and a healthy sex life can be difficult in modern life, and it is often pushed down on the priority list due to family commitments, work stress, mismatched sex drives, and becoming new parents can all get in the way.
Intimacy is the path to deeper connection, love and depth
Intimacy is the breath of emotional, spiritual and intellectual connection. It is the heart of a strong, healthy and loving relationship as it allows you to know someone deeply from a place of love and connection as you become completely free and open with your partner.
Sex in a loving relationship should be the physical embodiment of intimacy. It should come from a place of love and connection rather than fear, anxiety, judgement and disconnection. Sex and intimacy are a natural cycle of love and connection: Sex builds intimacy and intimacy builds sex.
Sex without any intimacy or emotional connection is like dancing without music
Many are afraid of real intimacy as it feels too vulnerable and raw to allow themselves to open their heart and be fully seen by another. People hide behind self-made masks and are afraid to speak openly and honestly about their heart's desires. Men hide behind performance and women hide behind their thoughts and disconnection from their body during sex. Many are afraid to love freely and to be loved openly.
When a couple comes together to have sex, and intimacy is missing, it is often a mechanical act, and they are disconnected as it becomes a one-dimensional experience as each person tends to focus on their own physical pleasure, performance and sexual release.
The importance of sex and emotional engagement in relationships
Sex in relationships is important because sex is a bonding behaviour and it brings a couple closer in ways other methods can't. Sexual intimacy gives space of deeper emotional connection, heart opening and intimacy. Sexual intimacy creates a multi-level experience which encompasses each and every part of you - your mind, body, heart and spirit.
Emotional engagement and sexual intimacy in relationships enriches your life, allows your mind, body and heart to expand and you experience deeper and more meaningful relationships. When you have a successful, loving and intimate home life your transforms: you become a stronger leader at work, you have more energy and focus to succeed, and feel much more fulfilled and satisfied as you work towards your goals and real happiness.
How to move forward in your relationship with sexual intimacy and emotional engagement
If you are ready to create profound changes in your relationship you need to break down some of the old programming and old ways of being. You need to step into a place of freedom to allow yourself to be fully seen, and also allow your partner to do the same - without any judgements. You need to learn how to be vulnerable as you follow this new path. You need to get out of your head and back into your home of your body and heart.
"When love awakens in your life, in the night of your heart, it is like the dawn breaking within you. Where before there was anonymity, now there is intimacy; where before there was fear, now there is courage; where before in your life there was awkwardness, now there is a rhythm of grace and gracefulness; where before you used to be jagged, now you are elegant and in rhythm with your self. When love awakens in your life, it is like a rebirth, a new beginning.” John O'Donohue
About Linda Connors
Linda Connors is a hypnotherapist and coach providing Intimacy Therapy Programme for men, women and couples let go of fear and embrace their mind, body and hearts to experience deeper levels of sexual intimacy.
Start building a better intimate sex life today by calling Linda on 075 3421 3557.
If you are addicted to porn, or porn has started to dominate your life too much, you know first hand how it is affecting your life. It can escalate and impact your brain and body in ways you perhaps never imagined. Your exposure to sexually explicit material is correlated with social anxiety, emotional numbness, depression, low motivation, concentration issues, sexual dysfunction and low confidence.
To overcome the effects of porn on your brain and body and take the necessary steps to reclaim your life you must create changes. From de-programming the brain and creating new neurological pathways in the brain, build new behavioural patterns in the body, develop your inner resources and learn how to re-engage and reconnect with life on a new level without porn.
YOUR COMFORT ZONE
Recovery from porn addiction is going to be a journey – and some parts may be uncomfortable as you let go of the old way and learn a new way of living. Porn addiction has become your comfort zone even though it’s having a huge impact on your life and you may struggle with it – it’s still your comfort zone.
Staying in your comfort zone will not create change. The comfort zone encourages this behaviour as it is what you know, feel comfortable with and know what each day will entail.
STEPPING OUTSIDE YOUR COMFORT ZONE
Stepping out of your comfort zone is where real growth happens. If you have been using porn to escape from emotions, stress, loneliness, anxiety and perhaps many other things it takes a lot of courage to step outside of your comfort zone as you will need to learn a new way to live and experience life.
STEPPING INTO YOUR EDGE
To create the change you must move away from what is comfortable and step out into your edge. It's natural to feel anxious or fearful at these first steps as you are leaving the old ways behind and creating something new - see this as a positive step forward as you are creating change.
Your edge is where you grow, change and learn a new way to live your life without porn. As you continue your journey of change you will naturally step deeper into you edge – this is where real change happens.
Imagine this edge as a blank slate. As you continue this journey, you will fill this slate with a new way of being. A new model of love and relationships. Build inner resources and skills within you. A new deeper connection and understanding of yourself. A new way to deal with life’s challenges and upsets. A new life of freedom from porn.
A NEW JOURNEY WITHOUT PORN
Begin to view this new journey as an opportunity to create real deep change and growth. A journey to connect with who you truly are as a man and just imagine what your life will be like once you are free from porn and the cycle of addictive behaviour.
Linda Connors is a porn addiction therapist, hypnotherapist and coach working with men to recover from porn addiction. If you are ready to quit porn today contact me on 075 3421 3557 and discover how the porn addiction therapy recovery programme can help you quit porn.
Many women are completely unaware that their partners have a hidden porn addiction. Perhaps for you, your relationship seemed normal, but maybe you noticed your partner or husband has been distracted lately, not interested in sex, seems depressed or anxious or has become secretive about his phone or his laptop. Then one day your world crashes around you as you learn your partner has secretly been watching porn.
Loving someone who is addicted to porn is difficult. He has changed from the loving, caring and doting partner to someone who is detached, perhaps suffering from porn-induced sexual dysfunction, and has become disconnected from life.
You may be wondering what to do next or where to go for help. There are so much resource for men and porn addiction, and so little for women who are in pain as a result of their partner's addiction. So today, I want to share some simply steps just for you, to support you to find your answers and solutions and help you to move forward.
Give yourself time and space to heal
Learning your partner is addicted to porn and has been watching porn behind your back often comes as a huge shock to your heart, mind and body. You may feel betrayed, angry, anxious, feel insecure and lose confidence in yourself, fearful and no longer trust him. You will need your time and space to process what you feel, so it's important you treat yourself with love, compassion and kindness during this time.
Do not blame yourself
Although it may seem like it, porn addiction is not about sexual arousal, sexual pleasure or sex. This is not about you. It may feel natural to initially feel unattractive, lose your confidence or wonder what you did wrong. Porn addiction about your partner and not you. Addictions are usually caused by a deep inner wound, the need to escape from life issues, or a way to deal with emotions and disconnect from life. There is nothing you did or could have done to prevent your partner from watching porn.
Know that you are not alone
I call Porn Addiction the hidden addiction. It's not openly discussed and indeed many therapists and doctors are not experienced with dealing with this addiction. Cocaine, gambling, drugs and alcohol are more openly discussed, but as porn is very visual and physically sexual, this addiction is often hidden with shame and guilt.
It may feel like you are in this alone or the first person this has happened to. You are not because there are millions of partners and wives around the world in pain right now because of porn addiction.
How to move forward together
Your relationship with need time to heal and recover. You may want to rush in and help your partner. However, it's important to remember it’s journey they must take themselves. Be there to support him when needed – but it’s essential to know that you can’t make him stop watching porn. No matter how much you love him or how much he loves you, you must take a step back and allow them to make this journey themselves.
Be there to support him, be there to talk to him and set your own personal boundaries but do not over nurture him.
If they are ready, they can resolve porn addiction
The good news porn addiction and the behaviour patterns associated with porn are resolvable if he is ready, willing and wanting to stop watching porn. If your partner is not able to do this alone, professional help is available to support him on this journey. Encourage them to seek help.
Hypnotherapy and porn addiction
Hypnotherapy is very beneficial in supporting men to stop watching porn and to re-engage with life. When selecting a hypnotherapist it is essential to ensure they have experience in working with porn addiction, relationships and sex. Working with weight loss, phobias or stop smoking is very different when working with porn addiction and related issues.
The Porn Addiction Therapy Treatment Programme for men, created by me, is a full immersion programme which not only supports men to stop watching porn but also to re-engage with themselves, their emotions, creativity, work and relationships.
This programme has helped many helped many men break free from the clutches of porn addiction and to step back in life. The programme is available in London Harley Street or online through Skype.
I also provide hypnotherapy and coaching support for women whose partners are addicted to porn.
Please call 075 3421 3557 to find out more about the Porn Recovery Programme.
I am deeply shocked this morning that Donald Trump is going to be the next American president. My heart is very heavy that many voted out of fear and hatred of others. I fear for Muslims and others in America and around the world. I deeply worry about the ramifications to society and the environment. I hope with all my heart I am wrong.
In each ugly moment in life, there is also beauty and light. As I am writing this, I am very much aware that I do not connect with that beauty at the moment, but I know I will soon. It feels so overwhelming first Brexit and now this - all which has been lead by fear.
What can we learn from this? I don't have many answers, but I know my heart will find the way. When we close our hearts out of fear and hatred, we live by fear and judgement of others and ourselves. We must remember to learn how to open our hearts to love, kindness and compassion. To treat others regardless of nationality, religion or culture as one of our brothers and sisters of the world.
Maybe the light in this is that will learn how to come together as a community - to love and support one another. To let love grow stronger than hatred and fear. To stop being a bystander in life. To stop expecting people in power and government to give us the answers all the time and to tell us what to do. To find our voices in this world to speak out against hatred and allow this love to be seen.
The world does need us to get caught up in fear, stress and anxiety. It needs us to create change. That change starts with each person. As Gandhi said - be the change you want to see in the world. Lead with love and integrity.
Will you join me?
Within each teenager and man who is addicted to internet porn, there is an unlived life that is waiting to be tapped into and expressed. Internet Porn Addiction stops people from fully living their life and it blocks emotions, creativity, love, sexual expression and masculinity.
Internet porn addiction has an enormous impact on a man's life, work, relationships and sexual performance. Studies are showing the real impact of porn addiction on the brain, how it changes the structure, released chemicals which support and encourage the addiction and it becomes the normal behaviour pattern. The good news is by quitting porn these changes are reversible.
Internet porn addiction and excessive use numbs - from your emotions, creativity, sexual expression and energy and how you experience life. Your brain becomes wired differently. You seek out more extreme and novel porn to keep aroused and entertained. Sex with your partner becomes boring, dull or you may experience erectile dysfunction or delayed ejaculation.
It impacts emotional well-being and many men who are addicted to internet porn also experience depression, anxiety and social anxiety. They underperform on all levels of life. They only half show up in relationships. They choose to hide in their bedroom engaged with porn rather than engaged with life.
Porn addiction suppresses a man's full potential and growth. Men sacrifice their life, gifts, talents and abilities to use porn. However within each of these men is an unlived life waiting to be explored and expressed. The unlived life of who they truly are.
I have been privileged to work with men who want to quit porn. The impact on their lives is often devastating. The journey of quitting porn transforms their life. They begin to live again. To tap into their potential. To fully show up at work, in relationships and as the man they know they are deep down. They started to lived again.
Working with internet porn addiction is a passion of mine - as it's so mainstream and having a huge impact on a man's psyche - yet hardly anyone talks openly about it. It's often dismissed by doctors and teenagers and men get caught up in the addictive behaviours of porn addiction.
Boys as young as ten are watching porn - can you imagine if these boys were drinking or using drugs - society would have an uproar. Now is the time for schools, parents and families to be educated by internet porn addiction. In a few years, these boys will be men and if they continue to use porn the effect it will have on them and the impact upon society will be devastating.
Internet porn takes so much more than it gives.
If you are ready to take a journey to quit internet porn, I invite you to contact me on +44 (0) 75 3421 3557. The 1-2-1 Porn Addiction Therapy Programme is available in London Harley Street, Bath and online through Skype.
From a young age I knew I was different. The teachers called me stupid and wouldn't help when I asked. They failed my assignments or got low grades despite putting all my energy and heart into the work. I experience the world differently, feel deeply, see the bigger picture, can problem solve, and see links of things. I have a fantastic imagination, and have a big heart yet me and writing abilities were never the best of friends.
At school I never knew how to structure sentences correctly; my grammar was terrible and spelling - well that's another story. I remember I went to a teacher once and asked for help. "Please tell me what I am doing wrong, and I will correct it." She told me to stop wasting her time. Thankfully I had a wonderful teacher called Mrs Logan who was the one teacher who believed in me. Although dyslexia wasn't a term used at the time and I wasn't diagnosed - she saw beyond my attempts of writing and poor exam results and really supported and encouraged me to excel and my grades improved. For that, I am forever grateful. One person can make a difference in the world.
THE SHAME OF DYSLEXIA HELD ME BACK
Shame was a big part of my working life and was very anxious my boss and peers would discover I can't spell or write correctly. I choose jobs that were well below my capacity and became deeply unhappy. Even a couple of years ago training to be a counsellor or psychotherapist the tutors (who were also therapist themselves) were not very supportive. One tutor even laughed at me in front of my peers about my dyslexia.
The shame returned. I lacked confidence and worried about being judged not good enough or worthy enough to write.
WHAT I LEARNT ABOUT BEING DYSLEXIC
The last experience was a turning point for me. I learnt that no one could take my power from me and I decided I was never going to be shamed again for being who I am. I was going to stop playing the victim of being dyslexic. I was never going to be embarrassed again for not having the perfect grammar or not able to spell.
I realised I was focussing too much on what others said / or may say about my writing and this disconnect me from who I am, my heart, vision and creativity. There are much more important things to focus my energy on. I started writing blogs, and I still do have typos and my writing is not grammatically correct. I am really okay with it as my message, heart, vision and creativity are more important.
A few months ago I started working with Jenny Andersson, a branding expert, and she encouraged me to write ebooks for my website which I am in the process of writing two (how to create a healthy and happy sex life and a book on porn addiction). I still struggle with my writing at times but I am no longer held back by shame or lack of confidence. Jenny has given me very useful feedback on what I need to improve, and it was essential to realise that it is okay to ask for additional support.
WRITING FROM THE HEART
My writing is an expression of me and is from my heart and core. I am getting more and more confident in putting my written world out in the world. It's been a journey but one that is worth it.
I have a song in my heart, and it is expressed through my written word.
Being dyslexic helps me write more from my heart rather than my rational mind. To see more of my writing from my heart you can visit my facebook coaching page
ADVICE TO OTHER DYSLEXIC WRITERS
Whether it's your blog, writing a book or assignment at university, do not let dyslexia hold you back. There are many famous dyslexic successful writers - from Agatha Christies to Fannie Flagg who is the best known as the author of Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistle Stop Café (one of my favourite movies).
I truly believe that we need to heal some of the shame and judgement about being dyslexic. For me, it's a gift, and I wouldn't change it for anything.
Here are some of my tips for writing (which I also follow when I am writing)
It's time to stop hiding behind being dyslexic (I can say this as this is what I use to do!). Let go of your fears and just write. It's time to let your light shine as the world is waiting on your gifts.
Do you have any other writing suggestions to add to my list - please add them in the comments section as I would love to read them.
Linda Connors is a London Hypnotherapist who also happens to be dyslexic. This is a gift as Linda is empathic, creative, able to see the bigger picture and see the links of what is happening in your past and inner world to find solutions and create change in your life.
It's Autumn here in Somerset. The leaves are transforming into magnificent browns and deep reds and are slowly surrendering as we near winter as they float down back to the land. This time of year is a magical time as not only is the landscape of the earth transforming it's a reminder we must also attend to our inner landscape.
Perhaps there is an area in your life that needs your awareness, understanding and attention. Dysfunction relationship patterns, sexual problems, addictions, emotional state or mindset holding you back?
Creating deep change involves a journey into your inner world of how you think, experience emotions, your belief systems, updating the templates set up in your earlier years and stepping into a new growth mindset. Below I share my thoughts and experience of creating change in my life and the life of those who work with me.
HOW TO CREATE CHANGE IN YOUR LIFE
To create the change you want, you must transcend the rational mind system. I see so many coaching and therapeutic approaches just focus on the mind. However that is just one element of who you are. They teach people to detach from emotions and feelings and see you as a mechanical thinking machine. This approach may create some form of change but it is only superficial as it doesn't go deep enough.
To create deep core changes, you must work with the whole of you - for each part of you experiences the world in different ways. Although it's important to remember the mind does influence the body and this influence directly impacts emotions and feelings. There has been neurological scientific research into how the mind, belief systems and culture directly affects the immune system, emotions and responses in the body. Based on this research, it's essential for your emotional well-being to work with the mind, body and heart together to create profound core changes in your life.
LEARNING TO LIVE FROM WITHIN YOUR INNER WORLD
As humans we have been gifted with the ability to feel deeply, to process the outer world through our inner world - and that allows us to be unique as we all have our own personal experiences which differ than each other. What changes means for one person will be completely different to another.
To create changes we must learn to start living from the inside which means as humans we must stop getting our validation, confidence and self-worth from outer experiences and from other people. We must learn to live from our inner world and connect with our confidence, worthiness and acceptance from within and allow that to flow out. This confidence and worthiness isn't connected to the job you hold, how successful you are of if your partner treats you well today. It's innate and once you learn this your life will change.
LOVE, KINDNESS AND COMPASSION
To create change, we must dive deep into the inner world and create change from a place of connection and embodying love. How much do you love yourself? How do you experience love? How do you know you are loved? How kind and compassionate are you to yourself and others?
Do you open your heart to love or do you close your heart to yourself and others with fear, judgement and blame?
You must learn how to transcend fear and judgement and live from a place of love. Learning to love yourself unconditionally is one of life's greatest journey but it's a journey worth taking. As once you love yourself other areas of your life begin to change naturally.
CREATING CHANGE IN AN ONGOING JOURNEY
There is no such thing as a quick fix, and then you can return back to your life all sorted. As human beings you are much more complex than that. Creating change is often the easy bit - it's sustaining the change that needs your dedication, understanding and inner support. As your role changes in life - wife or husband, work promotions, becoming a parent, menopause and so on you must continue to live from a place of kindness, compassion, love, awareness and understanding. As humans we are not perfection, and we were not made to be - so there may be times when you drop back to your old ways of being and this is when it's essential to have the awareness of what is happening and realise you have the ability to respond with love, kindness and compassion.
IF YOU ARE READY TO CREATE CHANGE IN YOUR LIFE THOUGH HYPNOTHERAPY AND DEEP CHANGE COACHING CONTACT LINDA ON 075 3421 3557.