In our modern day living we have forgotten the art of pausing. The grace of the breath. The joy of stillness. It's so very easy to get so caught up in the endless to do lists. The things we should do. The places we needs to go. Work. Pressure. Stress. Commitments. Social events. Facebook, twitter, 24 hour access news sites all fill our mind with endless information some of it is great and beneficial others just weigh our mind down and we become overwhelmed with so much data. It happens so often that perhaps we don't even realise this on a conscious level for it has become our every day norm. Yet is still has an impact on our mind, body and heart.
With this rushing around we tend to live a one dimensional life from the place of our mind and disconnect from the core of our being and our inner landscape. We give so freely to others yet forget to give to ourselves. Many even give more space and energy to their laptops and smart phones than they offer to themselves. How crazy is that!
To live a full and embodied life we must learn to reconnect with our body and heart. Learn to find space in each day to be in a place of stillness and to be with all of our being. For within our body and heart lies a great wealth of knowledge, wisdom and intelligence. When we give ourselves space we also begin to connect with the intellect of the body and the wisdom of our hearts and this can really guide and support us in our life.
In this modern day digital age we have truly forgotten the art of solitude, the grace of stillness and the gift of the pause of our being to return back to the home of our inner landscape and the true nature of who we are.
When you cease to fear your solitude, a new creativity awakens in you. Your forgotten or neglected wealth begins to reveal itself. You come home to yourself and learn to rest within. Thoughts are our inner senses. Infused with silence and solitude, they bring out the mystery of inner landscape.” John O'Donohue
The one simple step to reconnect with calmness and grace
There is no fancy technique or tools to use to experience calmness and grace right now. Just pause what you are doing - for one minute, five or ten minutes - whatever time feels right for you.
Close your eyes. Just take a moment. To breathe. To sit and just be. In your own solitude and stillness. Feel your feet on the ground. Connect with your heart. To be with your body. To feel the presence in all of you. No rush. No demands for this is your moment. Breathe. If you become distracted by your thoughts just allow them to float on by like clouds and return your awareness back to your breath.
I use to be so caught up in my work, personal life and chores I forgot to give the gift of stillness to myself. When I began to incorporate this in my life I experienced more clarity, focus and calmness in all areas of my life. I had a renewed energy, creativity and passion.
Do not underestimate the power of of this one simply step. It can truly impact your life. When you give yourself the gift of solitude each day - even for a minute or two - you will notice a difference in your mind, body and heart. It may feel uncomfortable at first but keep at it and soon you will be at completely at home within your body. Perhaps a whole new world of creativity, grace and calmness awaits you.
Porn addiction is the hidden addiction that is finally getting mainstream media attention thanks to Pamela Anderson and Rabbi Shmuley Boteach. The epidemic of porn addiction has been hidden for far too long. Imagine if it was the norm for children as young as ten to smoke, drink alcohol or take drugs – society, schools, parents and the government would be taking action. Yet many are still turning a blind eye to the dangers of porn and the reality of porn addiction in children, teenagers and men.
The article by Pamela Anderson and Rabbi Shmuley Boteach briefly explores the impact porn has upon the man, family, life and children. They call pornography “a public hazard of unprecedented seriousness....porn is for losers” and calls it “a boring wasteful and dead-end outlet for people too lazy to reap the ample rewards of healthy sexuality”.
To judge and state that men who watch porn are losers doesn’t help the situation or men who are addicted to porn. It may cause further shame and embarrassment which stops them seeking help. The article also misses out on some essential information and deeper underlying issues of how porn causes a distortion of sex, women and sexuality.
The men who work with me for porn addiction are often intelligent, creative and very lost. Many have been watching porn since they were ten years old. They are burdened by shame and embarrassment. Porn has become their foundation in life – how they view sex, women and relationships. They withdraw more into themselves as the porn addiction takes a stronger hold of them. Porn becomes a tool to managing boredom, emotions and stress. Interest in life becomes numb and detached. They lose their motivation, drive, focus and creative as porn feeds off their energy.
These men are far from losers. Many were simply caught up in the birth of the internet which meant they had unprecedented access to porn. Their parents in denial or naive about what their children were doing on the internet.
Now is the time to support these men. Support their journey of quitting porn and reengaging with life. Show them how to step up in life and into the men they are deep down before porn corroded the sense of themselves and life. Educate them about the reality of the porn industry and how unethical it is. Educate them of the true nature and connection of sex. Educate them on their own inner abilities to create the life they want. Teach them the gift of intimacy and how that can deepen love and relationships. They need support not judgement.
It's time we got honest and real about porn addiction
Boys, teenagers and men who are addicted to porn are not losers – they are disconnected from life, themselves and their brains are searching for the next pleasure hit. To break out of porn addiction they must take an inner journey of personal growth, re-education, create a deeper understanding of themselves and learning how to manage life, boredom, and emotions and develop their inner skills and resources.
In this modern digital it’s essential that all people from parents, doctors, therapists, couples and children themselves must be educated on the impact of porn. It’s time we had an open and honest communication about the dangers of porn addiction and the real implications it poses on men, sense of self, sexually objectifying women, relationships, masturbation addiction, porn induced sexual issues (delayed ejaculation , erection dysfunction, premature ejaculation), drive, motivation, focus and confidence.
Do you have children? Do you really know what they get up to on the internet at home, school or at friend’s houses? Now is the time to have this conversation with them. Be open, honest and non-judgmental.
Click here to find out about Porn Addiction Therapy. To speak to Linda to ask a question or to book a consultation please call 075 3421 3557.
From the moment we were created our unconscious mind has been forming a history of our lives. I like to think of the unconscious mind as being autobiographical - its primary purpose is to store our memories, relationships patterns, each interaction, events and experiences. On a conscious level this informational is simply far too much for us to remember in great detail so it becomes fragmented and we only receive small snippets of this data.
This autobiographical unconscious mind is used to create templates/patterns in our responses and behaviours. The best way to explain this process is through an example. An adult who blushes may have experienced numerous earlier experiences as a child of being bullied, embarrassment, shame or fear. These experiences are record in the unconscious mind and as a adult the experiences / responses manifest into blushing. The adult no longer remembers those earlier experiences and can't work out why they blush! This sounds very simple but it is a complex process that is happening on a deep unconscious and core level.
Inner conflict occurs when the conscious mind attempts to stop blushing. The unconscious mind continues to do what it has been programmed to do and the inner conflict creates more anxiety, thoughts and blushing increase.
The role of hypnosis and the unconscious mind
We have many different ways to access the unconscious mind including hypnosis. Hypnosis works by bypassing the conscious mind or making it less dominate so we can take a journey into part of who you are that doesn't normally see the light of day.
Hypnosis in the unconscious mind works on many different levels. You may have read some old school of hypnosis thoughts that the use of hypnosis is about find the "root cause or causes" and once this is uncovered the issue will naturally dissolve or go away. It's quite a Freudian old fashion way of working and doesn't tap into the persons potential in the unconscious mind. Thankfully our understanding of hypnosis has come a long way since then.
What hypnosis can do in the unconscious mind:
Sometimes people ask me - can you erase a memory or bad experience? The answer to this is no! We can reframe the experience so you can see it in a new light without the emotional baggage. The past has happened and we can't change that but you have the ability to heal, grow and change the way you think of it. Other times some people are concerned that they will uncover a traumatic hidden memory or an individual may ask me to take them back to their childhood to explore if they were sexually abused. This is very rare and the propose of hypnosis is not to uncover hidden memories (as the memories can not be fully trusted anyway). In terms of hidden memories of sexual abuse - again this is very rare and a professional hypnotherapist would never engage with your unconscious mind or you in this way.
The Unconscious way forward through hypnosis
A good way to think of the unconscious mind and hypnosis is that the unconscious mind is an autobiographical book of your life with many different chapters and story lines. The role of hypnosis to return back to some of the pages to update something, heal, change the story or develop resources which you need to support you on your life's journey.
Hypnosis doesn't put you into a "trance" like state. You don't even need to be relaxed to be hypnotised - although relaxation does support the journey more deeply. It's simply a method which directs your attention into your inner most self and your unconscious mind within you to start the journey of creating changes at the core level.