The human psyche is a strange thing. Many long to change their life and move forward in careers, relationships, sex, and life. Yet change can feel so hard and fear and resistance often meet this longing. Regardless of how uncomfortable the present situation is to move towards a new beginning and chapter is quite frightening. This life brings a level of comfort for it is what you know and experience day in and day out. Anxiety, addictions, fears, intrusive thoughts, high level of emotions and dysfunctional relationships become a natural way to live your life.
To create shifts in your life you must leave the home of your comfort zone. You must get out of your own way and lean towards your edges and for some this is frightening. Many gifts are waiting for you there and this is the opportunity to develop and create the existence you deeply desire.
The gift of your edge
It's only when you leave the old way behind and step out onto the edge of your comfort zone you grow, develop and move towards the life you want to live. This is where you gain wisdom, knowledge and your talents, skills, gifts, creativity and way of life truly come alive. You give breath to all that you are. The unlived life becomes alive again. But life doesn't stop there. As you journey through life the edges will soon become your comfort zone and so you must continue stepping out on the edges.
There was a time when I built my life around my comfort zone. I had secure jobs, played safe and lived safely within the mental prison I created. It was uncomfortable but it was a life I knew well. When I decided to cross the threshold of the comfort zone and out onto my edge my life began to expand and I truly began to live. If I stayed in the house of my comfort zone I wouldn't have taken risks and left a secure job and became a hypnotherapist and coach ten years ago.
Every moment of one's existence one is growing into more or retreating into less. Norman Mailer
What are you sacrificing by playing small? How does your comfort zone dictate your life? What choices and decision do you make to keep within the walls of your comfort zone?
The comfort zone brings a level of delusion into your life. You think you are living within the walls of your comfort zone and safety, in fact, you are not living at all as you are only living a half life. The real life lives on the edge of the comfort zone and when you step out into your edge your life will change.
Living on the edge of your comfort zone
The first few steps towards your edge may be a little daunting. You may feel lost as you leave the old ways behind and step into a new way of living your life. This fear is natural. When my clients tell me I am ready to take this step but I am scared or don't know what to expect I am aware that they are moving beyond their comfort zones and what they know.
Whether you are being held back by sexual issues, addictions, anxiety, stress, blushing, dysfunctional relationships or an unlived dream it's essential to know that you can not create the changes you seek within the restrictions and safety net of your comfort zone. You must take that leap of faith from where you are into a new space of change.
Are you ready - your life is waiting.
Sex and intimacy is what makes us human. Beyond the primal urges it is something that unites, connects and bonds two people together in ways other ways can't. Yet many, especially men, are plagued by sexual performance anxiety. They worry about their performance, if they are good enough, if they can match up to previous partners and worry about sexually pleasing their partner.
Sex between two people is raw, vulnerable, intimate, physical, heart-felt and for many spiritual as well. We meet each other in the rawness of our humanity. Many men and women are afraid of this. They are afraid to fully show up and allow the other to really see them. They experience sex from a place of fear and anxiety rather than a place of connection and love. Men focus on performance and failing and women are not able to fully let go on a physical and emotional level.
Here are 7 simple yet very powerful steps in learning how to move beyond sexual performance anxiety and into a place of connection, love, passion, and sexual enjoyment.
Step 1 - Acknowledging sexual performance anxiety
So many people try to fight sexual performance anxiety. They argue with it. Give in to it. Try to push it aside. They get stuck in their fixed, judgement and critical mindset. All of this action leads to more anxiety about sex. They focus on anxiety rather than the pleasure of sex or connection with their partner. The first step to dealing with sexual performance anxiety is simply acknowledging you are experiencing it. It may sound very simple but it is a very important step. By acknowledging the sexual anxiety you begin to let go of the energy to control it and push it away. You then have space within to focus on moving forward, resolving the sexual anxiety and the ability to enjoy sex once again
Step 2 - Focus on breathing
The second step is to focus on your breathing. This may feel mechanical at first, but keep going with it as it will soon feel natural and become an unconscious action. Focus on your in-breath and out-breath. Imagine you are breathing in calmness and letting go on the out-breath. Your breath is the anchor into calmness and being grounded. If your breath is shallow or too fast paced due to the anxiety this will only increase the level of anxiety you are feeling. The breath also helps you to get out of your mind and into your body.
Step 3 - Connect to mind, body and heart
Men and women both feel sexual performance anxious but it manifests in different ways which leads to a disconnection of mind, body and heart. Men and women tend to focus on four things when experiencing sexual anxiety:
This process disconnects the individual from their whole body. Men do not just experience sex with your mind and penis - it is a whole body experience of your mind, body and heart. When you learn how to connect with all of you the anxiety lessens and reduces as you are connected with all of your being rather than the aspects which are dysfunctional.
So many women are disconnected from their vagina - there is a lot of shame around this intimate part of them. When they learn to connect with all of their feminine body - mind, body and heart they begin to enjoy and be present with sex on a whole new connected level.
Being sexually connected to your mind, body and heart brings a new dimension of sexual enjoyment, pleasure and joy into the bedroom and sex life.
Step 4 - It's okay to be vulnerable
Many men and women fear being vulnerable. Men fear it because they think it will make them weak and they also fear rejection. Women fear it because they fear getting hurt and fear rejection. The gift of being vulnerable adds depth, strength and connection to relationships and sex. It allows the other to experience you as you are without any masks. Take smalls steps towards opening up with your vulnerability - allow your partner to see you in a new way and new light.
Step 5 - Communication is the key
To being vulnerable brings us to the power and key of communication. Men especially fear talking about their sexual insecurities and sexual performance anxiety. The lack of communication and open discussion brings more pressure to get it "right" and this simply adds to more anxiety. To be vulnerable also means to be open to communicate with your partner and share your fears and anxieties. This often leads to an inner relaxation and letting go of the inner pressures. Begin to open the door way to open and honest communication with your partner.
Step 6 - Sexual confidence
Many think that two opposite emotions and feelings can not exist together. So it is either sexual anxiety or sexual confidence. Sexual anxiety can co-exist with sexual confidence. So focus on confidence. Don't just think about confidence - begin to embody and feel it in your body and heart. Sexual confidence allows you to be comfortable in your own skin and to express yourself sexually in the way you want to. Focus on naturally building and developing your inner resources and sexual confidence and your sexual experiences will be enhanced.
Step 7 - Connection to sexual energy
Sexual energy is such an important part of your sexual life. Many men disconnect from their masculinity because of sexual anxiety or a sexual problem. They feel less of a man as they they worry they can't please their partner. Women often also disconnect from their sexual energy and feminine energy. Learning how to reconnect and bring forth this sexual energy brings a new level of intimacy, fun, passion and enjoyment in your sex life. It helps to remove the masks of fear and anxiety. it allows you to tap into your mind, body and heart in a powerful, natural and connected way.
Do you experience Sexual Performance Anxiety?
If you experience sexual performance anxiety rest assured you are not alone. It is a common fear for so many men and women. The steps above will support you to moving beyond sexual anxiety into sexual confidence - if you do want expert help please do contact me. My details are below.
If your partner or someone who you know experiences sexual performance anxiety please do share this article with them.
Linda Connors is a Sex Hypnotherapist specialising in sexual performance anxiety and sexual issues. She works with men,women and couples in London Harley Street and online Skype. To speak with Linda or to find out how you can work with her please call 075 3421 3557.
So many people hide in their lives. They hide their talents, gifts and resources. They only half show up at work, in relationships and their personal life. They live half a life. To afraid to accept all that they are. They also don't know who they are. They are lost. On the outside they appear happy, successful and content. Yet in their inner world they are lost in the vast landscape of judgement, fears, repression, shame, stories, old beliefs, thoughts and the flood of emotions.
You are not alone. I see this is so many people, my clients and also in me in the past. I was afraid to let my light shine. I played small and got small results. Life was a restricted playground where I placed huge limitations upon myself. Anxiety, fear, and depression became part of my life. Until ten years ago when I began to release the restrictions I placed upon myself. I stopped worrying about what others thoughts of me and began to love myself. I saw the emotions were messages from my body to step up and accept who I am.
What is stopping you from being all that who you are?
Imagine that as human being you are a system. A system of a mind, body and heart. Within that system resides all your abilities, gifts, uniqueness, talents, skills and resources. If your thoughts, belief system, stories you tell yourself, lack of self love, compassion and self worth get in the way it's so difficult to fully show up with all that you are. For some people this can also manifests as anxiety, sexual dysfunction, playing small, depression, fear, dysfunctional relationships and addictions.
How to be more of who you are
To become all that you truly are is a journey of the mind, body and heart. A journey into your inner landscape. A rediscovery and reconnection to self love, compassion and kindness. An acceptance and forgiveness of what has been. A new way to work with your thoughts. A return to the home of your heart. To learn how to use and bring forth these talents, abilities, skills and gifts into your work, life and relationships.
Life is not about perfection
Do not get caught up in the trap of perfection. I use to think that I had to be perfect before I could do the things I wanted and that my anxiety and fears would need to be banished before I step up in my life and fully show up. Life doesn't work like that. Anxiety and fear can co-exist with love, talents and abilities - you can still move forward in your life.
See the you within
Look in the mirror and see beyond all that you think you are. Begin to see the real truth of who you are. Live this truth and your talents, skills, gifts, and resources will flourish within you and expand out into the world.
Here are some powerful words from Les Brown. Read them. Feel them. Embody them. and then act. Do not let your abilities, dreams, ideas, and talents fade away and die before you give yourself permission and an opportunity to breathe life into them.
"Imagine if you will being on your death bed – And standing around your bed – the ghosts of the ideas, the dreams, the abilities, the talents given to you by life.
And that you for whatever reason, you never acted on those ideas, you never pursued that dream, you never used those talents, we never saw your leadership, you never used your voice, you never wrote that book.
And there they are standing around your bed looking at you with large angry eyes saying we came to you, and only you could have given us life! Now we must die with you forever.
The question is – if you die today what ideas, what dreams, what abilities, what talents, what gifts, would die with you?"
As a Hypnotherapist and Coach I work with individuals to tap bring forth all that they are out into the world. To make use of the talents, gifts, and skills in their life.
If you are ready to live a life of freedom, joy happiness and success where you talents, abilities and skills expand out into the world please call 07534213557.
When I was training to be a counsellor and psychotherapist and undergoing my own therapy I couldn't understand why the therapist and client just sat rigid in the chair for 50 minutes in every session - simply focussing on the mind without any input from the body and heart. There was no talk about self-love, compassion and kindness. There as no talk about movement, my inner resources and skills. As a result, I didn't experience any change in my life.
These experiences motivated me to create a new process to help people move forward in their life and be more of who they are. Our body need movement to live fully and completely. Life is about movement, how we move is an expression of who we are and is an expression of our inner landscape. If your inner landscape is filled with depression, anger, depression, anxiety or fear this will restrict your movement in life and actions you take.
Sitting still in our life including the therapy room can reinforce stuckness. Repression, anxiety, fear remain stuck and embodied within the body. This is why I bring movement into my work. We kick off our shoes, create space in the room and I take my clients through a process which I have created which works with the mind, body, heart and spirit. It shakes off the old behaviour patterns and creates a new way forward and experience in life. We don't just talk about calmness, confidence, strength, masculinity, femininity, love, I take you through a process in which you embody and embed these changes within your inner self. This level of work goes directly into your core and centre of who they are.
Movement means progress
Movement helps us to connect to our physical being and align the mind, body, heart and spirit together. Movement helps to life to flow more freely and expand the inner landscape. It helps to free the body and let of the old way of being.
My clients often say they feel whole, connected, grounded, changed. I see the physical difference. Their energy is different; they hold themselves differently, they have a new found inner quiet confidence which shines outwards, they have a deeper presence within themselves. As they leave the session they walk with a gentle power and grace. They have truly become more of who they are.
Movement allows you to see and experience yourself in a new way. Your body language changes, your natural confidence soars.
Movement offers a new freedom in your life, mind, body and heart
Sometimes people are a little unsure when they begin the movement work with me, but once they experience, feel it and see the changes in their life there is no turning back. Movement is who we are yet some are afraid of movement, to be seen, to express, to show up in this way. It's life changing work.
The movement work compliments the coaching conversations and hypnosis work we do. The way I work isn't for everyone – as it means stepping outside of their comfort zone and it’s different, unique and unlike any coaching or therapy you have been through before!
So whatever you are feeling - move. Feeling sad, stressed, stuck, lonely, depressed, move. Even if you are feeling joyful, love, happy and content - move!
Life is about movement and expression move your body. Walk, exercise, dance, skip, swim, get on your bike - just move - and enjoy this new expression in your life and notice how your life naturally changes. How you feel more comfortable in your own skin. Willing to take risks. Willing to show up more. Life is too short to be stuck - so today do something different and go out and move.
Linda Connors is a Hypnotherapist and Coach helping people to become more of they truly are. To live a life of freedom, strength and clarity. To enjoy more happiness and joy in their life. To discover how you can change your life call Linda on 075 3421 3557.
We live in a busy time. Information overload. Work overload. Worry overload. It’s so easy to allow ourselves to get lost in the busyness of the world. Sometimes life feels difficult. It's tough; our emotions go up and down - anxiety, fear and self-doubt. I just want to tell you that it is all natural and the flow of life sometimes.
We are not robots or machines who are just our minds that many people put countless effort into trying to control. Imagine that we are a system – with the mind, body and heart. Each has a function and a role to play in our lives. Sometimes when we face difficult situations or experiences we return back to our default settings, our inner programming from our childhood - the template of how we respond. For some people that's repetitive thoughts in the mind, anxiety or fear in the body or a disconnection from the heart.
It's at this moment that is important - you have a choice you can either fight with your inner conflicts, wrestle with your thoughts or run from your emotions, be in a place of judgement or even self-hatred. Or you practice the gentle art of self-love.
Meeting each thought, fear and anxiety with no judgment just love and acceptance. For whatever part of your system created that thought, inner judgement, anxiety or fear needs self-love - not more inner hatred or judgement.
This is when we experience an inner grace, presence and beauty. Not when everything is perfect, still or calm but when we simply love the whole of us, our templates, old responses, fears and anxieties. For they are simply a reminder that we are human and that place within us needs self-love and acceptance.
We need to remember to return to the intelligence of the body and the wisdom of the heart – to the whole of us. Be the best you that you can be - and that means loving all that is within you for the shadows that live within – the light and dark – all need our equal love.
When I work with individuals I guide them back to the wisdom of their hearts, the strength of their body and the clarity of their mind. To be alive and present in each part of them. It’s a privilege to witness then returning back to their whole of their being – their true home upon this earth. Their life changes. Relationships deepen, life is more gentle and their is an inner fire and power that comes alive.
True happiness and success doesn't come from just from the mind – it’s a unity of mind, body and heart. The triangle of humanity. When you connect to these elements it brings a natural strength and grace like no other.
One of the greatest gifts we can give ourselves is our own inner presence. Today you are invited to drop down and give yourself the gift of presence in all of you - your Mind, Body, Heart and Spirit, with all your senses - touch, smell, hearing, sight, and taste.
There is nothing to hide. Allow all to be there. Be truly alive with all of you.
We have all heard of men's sexual dysfunction and sexual issues form erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, sexual anxiety, and delayed ejaculation but have you heard of these women's sexual issues?
Despite the myth that women like talking about their emotions many women simply don't like to talk about their sexual problems - or the lack of sex. Feelings of being ashamed and embarrassed are often high and sex becomes out of reach as they disconnect from their sexual self.
There are many underlying issues causing women's sexual dysfunction from medical conditions, emotional, relationship with body, disconnection from vagina, fear of rejection, religious and conservative upbringing, or trauma/abuse.
In my practice I have seen women who have been married for 15 years and they have never been able to have sex with their husband. They come to me because they want one last try to start a family. Women who avoid sex because they can't orgasm. Women who are too afraid to start a relationship because they fear sex will hurt. They carry all of this weight, shame and guilt, fear and embarrassment on their shoulders and in their hearts. Their closest friends often do no even know what they are going through. It impacts their confidence, sense of femininity, relationships and self love.
It's a crazy world we live in. Let's compare the difference names between men and women's sexual issues - premature ejaculation or erectile dysfunction - it's pretty obvious what these relates to. Now look at the names used for women's sexual dysfunctions - Vaginismus or Vulvodynia. You will need to do a google search to know what these relate to. It's time we normalised women's sexual issues. It's time we ended the shame around women and sex. The shame of having a vagina. The shame of having a sexual issue. We need to talk about this more openly and freely because as a society many women still carry wounds on a deep unconscious level about sex and their sexuality.
Sex is something to be enjoyed and embraced not something to hide away in shame or embarrassment. If you experience a sexual issue know that mostly likely it can be solved. But you must take action. The first step is to speak to your doctor to rule out any underlying medical condition then look for a trained therapist to work with you. Working with men and women sexual issues are very different and it's essential the person you work with understands this.
Please share this post so more women are aware of female sexual dysfunction.
Hypnotherapist and Coach Linda Connors works with women to resolve sexual issues, heal the shame and guilt of sexual female identity, tap into their femininity to be empowered to enjoy sex to their greatest potential.
For more information please call 0753421 3557.
It is often said that the greatest human fears include death and public speaking. I believe that the fear of intimacy is also one of the greatest fears. Intimacy is what brings people closer and deepens relationships. Yet so many fear real intimacy. They feel more comfortable only half showing up and being only half present in life and relationships. I believe that intimacy can truly transform people's lives. Not just their relationship with others but also with their relationship with themselves. Because intimacy is the only way we know ourselves and know others.
Why do people fear intimacy? People are often afraid of what is inside them. The wounds, pain and hurt of the past still lives within their mind and body. They are afraid of rejection. Ashamed of who they are. So they keep a tight guard over their heart. On an unconscious level there may be a part of them trying to protect them. In this age of perfection they feel any wound or hurt is a sign of weakness. So the impact of this is that they only half show up in their life and relationships. They present only one side of themselves to others.
How modern life has created a false intimacy. In our modern time of social media, tinder and internet dating it's easier to be intimate with another after a few drinks - indeed many find it is easier to have sex than be intimate with another. In our modern world to be intimate with each other on Facebook includes likes and comments on posts. These intimacy issues have always been part of our humanity however it has manifested on a different level with the digital age. I see it all so often. Couples sitting across from each other at dinner both disconnected from each other yet so very connected to their phones and what other people are doing yet missing out on what is in front of them.
As humans we seek connection with others yet are too afraid to truly love and open the doors to our hearts to allow another person to see all of us - not just our best bits, our strengths, and joy but also our weakness, the shadows and the wounds. This takes courage to fully show up in this way but the rewards are great for we need intimacy in our lives to truly flourish.
The art of intimacy. To be intimacy with another we must also learn how to be intimate with ourselves. To practice self-love, compassion and kindness. To remove our self imposed masks and ideas about perfection. To judge less and be kind more. To be intimate with another we must remove the guards around our hearts. We must be be willing to be vulnerable. When you let go of the fear of intimacy your life changes - you begin to embrace connection with yourself and others on a deeper level. You focus on what's important rather than hiding parts of you. You feel much more free within your mind, body and heart.
Intimacy isn't just about sex or physical contact. It's about a deeper connection from the well springs of your heart. Today be brave and take the first step towards a greater intimacy. Share your wildest dreams. Your hopes and desires. Go out in nature together. Dance. Also go beyond the voice. There is nothing so beautiful as to gaze into your eyes of your loved one. No words. Let the intimate and wise heart speak with the voice of love.
Your heart knows the voice and rhythm of intimacy. Shift your awareness down into your heart and feel the connection there. Let your guard down. Remove your self imposed mask and allow yourself to be truly seen. Slowly and gently - go at your own pace. When intimacy awakens in your heart your life changes. You feel more comfortable within yourself. Your choices will be based upon love, dreams and hopes rather than fear, shames and hiding your true self.
Intimacy strengthens and deepens connections and relationships. It's the soul of a relationship. It's the gentle fire in your heart. The grace of your love. There is nothing to fear about intimacy for that for it's the naturally expression of who you are within your body, heart and mind.
When love awakens in your life, in the night of your heart, it is like the dawn breaking within you. Where before there was anonymity, now there is intimacy; where before there was fear, now there is courage; where before in your life there was awkwardness, now there is a rhythm of grace and gracefulness; where before you used to be jagged, now you are elegant and in rhythm with your self. When love awakens in your life, it is like a rebirth, a new beginning. John O'Donohue
Anxiety and stress severely impacts your quality of life, relationships and work performance. From the moment you wake up to the moment you go to sleep your mind and body is coping with the demands of day to day life. There's the demands from your family or your boss. Work deadlines, projects commitments have your rushing around without a moment to eat let along breathe. Life challenges also find their way to add to your anxiety and stress levels.
It's natural to experience anxiety and stress as that is the way our mind and body are designed. But you do have a choice to how you respond to anxiety and what is happening around you.
Step 1 - do not check your phone in bed
Studies have shown the negative impact on emotional wellbeing and anxiety levels when you check your phone first thing in the morning. When you first wake up your mind and body needs a moment of stillness, peace and quiet to fully awaken and prepare for the day. But if you reach for the phone immediately it hijacks your mind you are jolted awake with a barrage of information from emails, social media and internet news.
The interaction with technology in the morning creates levels of disconnection, anxiety, stress and an unfocused and busy mind - and this is carried through out the day
Tip 1: Remove your phone, tablet or laptop from your bedroom and do not check emails, news sites or social media until after showering and breakfast.
Many studies, both in the UK and America, provide evidence of how
From the moment eyes open up you are greeted by alarms, a barrage of information from social media and internet news.
Many people live a busy and chaotic life and this increases the levels stress and anxiety.
In our modern day life we have forgotten the importance of peace, quiet and stillness. As our eyes gentle open to greet the day many people automatically reach for their phones, tablets or laptops to scan the news, twitter, Facebook status updates or check emails. This is even before the body has fully awaken, moved, had any water or breakfast.
The impact of the lack of stillness and quiet creates levels of disconnection, anxiety, stress and an unfocused and busy mind - and this is carried through out the day.
The mind, body and heart needs time and space to fully wake up and gentle emerge into the day. Being bombarded with news and social media as the sun rises sets the mind into a level of alert. It kind of jars the mind and body awake. This becomes so routine many individuals are not even aware they are living from place of alert and stress.
I use to do this. My phone was near my bed. As soon as my eyes opened I reached for it. I felt sleepy, disconnected and slightly stressed throughout the day. This was not how I wanted to live my life so I created change through these simple five morning habits that I can't wait to share with you. It has made so much difference to my life - and if you follow this or create your own morning routine and habits it will also make a difference in your life too.
May the day never burden; May dawn find you awake and alert, approaching your new day with dreams, possibilities and promises. John O'Donohue
Following these simple morning habit and routine provides me with a new zest and energy for life. I enter the space of the day feeling more balanced, calm and focused.
It's so important to wait until your mind, body and heart are all ready to emerge into the morning before you do your work, check emails, read the news or check facebook. They can all wait. You are more important than any of this at this sacred time of the morning.
You are invited to follow these 5 simple morning steps or create your own. It may feel a challenge at first especially if you are attached to your phone. Stick with it and you will notice the wonderful impact this will have on your day.
What are your thoughts - do you some habits you would love to share with us. Please comment and add them below - I would love to hear about them!
As part of being human we have been gifted with the ability to feel and experience life fully - from joy, happiness, fulfillment, love through to anger, depression and anxiety. In our "must have now" society many people are shutting themselves half down. They want to feel the joy and happiness of life but but don't want to deal with the shadows of our existence - the emotions which lurk in the darkness.
But here's the thing. To feel joy and happiness we must also learn to open the gates to the other emotions and that also includes anxiety. For when we attempt to hide, ignore or push away anxiety it will come back bigger and more intense and we also block the deep level of joy and happiness in our life.
Throughout my childhood until early thirties I experienced a lot of anxiety. The anxiety that is so overwhelming it feels like it is consuming your life. It was difficult. I tried to ignore it. It came back stronger. I tried to argue with it - its voice became louder than mine. I tried to push it away it pushed back harder. It was relentless.
I tried counsellors and hypnotherapists nothing helped. Some wanted to mask the anxiety through tools and techniques. Others wanted to over analysis my childhood without the focus on the here and now. Then I discovered something when I went to a meditation retreat in Scotland over ten years ago. It was so simply yet very powerful - acceptance and I would love to share it with you as well as my own healing journey from anxiety I developed as it truly helped me to break free from anxiety and also allow me to step forward and create the life I wanted - without anxiety holding me back.
1. Acceptance of anxiety
Anxiety is a natural part of our life and the way our bodies are designed. When we begin to accept anxiety there is no inner conflict and no fight for power in our inner world. It's a letting go of the old ways and begin to embrace a new relationship with anxiety with the focus on acceptance. Just begin to notice the difference when there is acceptance of anxiety over inner conflict.
2. Learn from anxiety
Our bodies has it's own innate intelligence. It offers a way to communicate which goes beyond our conscious mind and thoughts. Sometimes anxiety is telling you that there is something that you need to let go off. To heal. To change your mind-set. To learn more about yourself. The anxiety is the voice of your body that something is unresolved and it's giving you a clear message it's time to resolve it. Learn to listen to it.
3. Anxious mind-set
Thoughts have a huge impact on the body. When people are stuck in their anxious mind-set it becomes fixed and is more critical and judging it creates more anxiety. Know you can step out of this anxious mindset and into something more powerful - the growth and learner mind-set. This allows you to use this an opportunity of learning, growth and development rather than being stuck in the cycle of anxiety.
4. You are not your anxiety
I see this a lot. People use anxiety to form their identity. You are not your anxiety. It's something you experiencing. It may feel like it is part of your personality but it's not. You are so much more than anxiety and when you realise this you will see how small anxiety actually is. It's easy to make anxiety a big part of your life and I am speaking as someone who has personally experienced this - but it's not. It's simply how you respond to your anxiety. When you change that you will change your relationship with anxiety.
5. Grow from anxiety
See the anxiety as simply an opportunity to grow, develop and become more of who you are. When some of my clients first came to see me were so afraid of anxiety, they hid in their lives and created a life style which kept them safe and out anxiety's way. They allowed anxiety to restrict who they are and how they showed up in the world. When you use this as an opportunity to grow and develop a whole new world emerges for you to live from. You will stop hiding and allow yourself to fully show up in the world. Just think for a moment the how much difference that will make in your life.
6. Move your body
Sometimes anxiety is just an energy and it gets stuck in your body so it's essential to move your body. Walk, move your body, exercise and even dance! Just move. If you can't get to a gym there are some excellent online fitness programmes. I use fitness blenders and can highly recommend them. Movement helps the body to release and to let go. As humans we are simply not designed to sit in front of our laptops 8 hours a day, then the TV a night. Move your body at every opportunity you get.
7. Let anxiety flow
Anxiety at times just flows in and out of our lives. It's not a lesson. It's not an opportunity for growth. It is just there. Just let it flow in and out and soon it will be on its way. Sometimes I feel anxious as all humans do. Now rather than holding on it, fearing it and making it bigger I simply accept it's there and allow it to flow through. Sometimes it's a little messenger other times it is just flowing in and out.
8. Taking action
It's easy to revert back to our old ways of being. It is what we know and feel safe with despite how it makes us feel. Now is the time to take action. Begin to live your life without anxiety holding you back. Show up more. Step up more. Use your voice and allow yourself be heard. Focus not on anxiety but how you want to live your life.
Breaking free from anxiety
I wonder if you noticed that breaking free from anxiety is actually not about anxiety its self - it's about you and your response to anxiety. Change truly comes from within and through this change the anxiety will begin to change the way it shows up in your life.
This may take practice as the way you respond to anxiety has become habitual and your mind and body has got accustomed to responding in the old way. But know you can change the way you respond to anxiety and through this a new way will begin to emerge which will offer a new experience of life, deeper understanding of yourself, and experience more clarity and calmness .
Here is a beautiful poem from Rumi to remind us of this beautiful journey we call life.
This being human is a guest house
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.
Begin to see anxiety as not something to fear but to learn, grow and develop from. If you know someone who experiences anxiety please share this blog with them.
Our society is fast moving ahead with technology. Robots are becoming more and more advanced and human like and may soon be replacing many roles within the next 25 years. I read an article during the week about the possibility of robots being used for sex and companionship by 2050 - that's less than 34 years away.
As a hypnotherapist and coach one of the areas I specialise in is intimacy and love with ourselves and others, connection and sexual dysfunctions. All of these aspects impact how we show up in the world - from living a life of passion, drive and focus. To be confident and comfortable in our skin. So after reading this article my mind went into over drive with questions.
Is having sex with a robot ethical? Will robotic sex become the new addiction replacing internet porn addiction? How will this impact relationships, sex lives and our society?
Intimacy is what makes us human. It's the key to opening our hearts and helps us to bond and connect with others. We are beginning to lose the art of intimacy. In our modern day world we have the world of connection at our finger tips and we are in danger of replacing friendships, intimacy and connection by social media. Sex is more than a physical act or sexual release it's a journey to really get to know ourselves and others on a deeper level. It's what brings two people together in a way no other way can. If robotic sex becomes acceptable in our society and we begin to lose this level of intimacy we will also begin to lose a level of our humanity and sense of self. For intimacy allows us to build a bridge from one individual to another.
Sex without intimacy is like dancing without music
From intimacy we move into the power of relationships. Within our human hearts we seek connection, love and relationships. Relationships offers us a place to be a home within ourselves and another. To grow and develop together. Two individuals unite as a team. To learn how to be vulnerable with each other. Internet porn addiction is already deeply impacting relationships. To what level will robotic sex impact intimate relationships, how we connect with others and show up in the world? The gift of intimate relationships is that it truly awakens something inside us for to be in a relationships with others we must also be in a relationship with ourselves. What will society lose if robotic sex becomes the norm? Perhaps the ability to form healthy and loving relationships and this will impact so many different areas of our society.
Can we - should we - have sex with robots? It's so important to begin to have real conversations, discussions and debates about this now as there are already robotic sex toys on the market in America and Japan. Just as porn has changed individuals (particularly men) expectations of sex, sexually objectifying women, pleasure, arousal and relationships sex with robots can create further damage. Many young women are pressured into sex and believing that they need to act and look like porn stars - will this then extend that they will also need to perform like a robot? The impact of android sex is that a robot can't say no - so sex is on hand any time the person wishes - and this could lead to sex addiction and further issues of sexual objectification.
As a human being and a therapist and coach I am deeply concern for our next generation. Now is the time to educate them not just about the dangers of porn addiction but also the importance of healthy relationships, of love, of intimacy, of healthy boundaries and a loving connected sexual relationship. To prepare them for the future of the next stage of our humanity.