When you experience an issue in your sex life do you just accept it as it is? Think that it will be permanent issue and will not improve? Perhaps you limit your life by restricting the possibilities for sex, relationships or dating because you fear you will ejaculate too soon, lose your erection or just be too sexually anxious about your performance.
If so perhaps the fixed mindset is in the driving seat in your sex life. As a result it dominates your life and restricts your chances of sexual success, enjoyment and pleasure. Fixed mindset doesn't seek improvement, or resultions - it is remained stuck and leaves you in the cycle of your sexual issues.
On the opposite end is the growth mindset. Growth mindset is the ability to activity seek out resolution, be willing to face the issue, be ready to take risks, and be willing to grow from the issue.
Your sexual experience and performances are not fixed or set. With the right mindset you can grow from this experience and transform the sexual dysfunction, fears and anxieties for growth and sexual transformation. In fact, many of my clients has reported back to me that not only have their sexual issue been resolve - other areas of their life naturally transformed and change as well.
Men, mindset and sex
Men often become fixated on their sexual issues, become hyper focus on what is happening with their penis during sex and putting too much pressure on themselves to please their partner.
The result - the pressure, the fear, anxieties and fixed mindset causes them to ejaculate too soon or lose their erection. They feel they are a failure and feel devastated. They become hypersensitive to what has gone wrong. Men remain focused on that point, become stuck and unable to move forward.
Does sound and feel familiar to you?
If so, you are not alone. This is how the fixed mindset operates - it keeps you restricted, stuck, anxious and limits your sexual success.
How to last longer in bed with a growth mindset
If you identify with the fixed mindset know that you are not doing anything wrong, it's simply a set of circumstances that lead you to this place. No person has a 100% growth mindset all the time. We are all human.
You may feel that you will always experience this sexual issue, especially if you have experienced it for many years. This is where a growth mindset can help.
A growth mindset creates a strong foundation to making changes. It can take practice to to work with your sexual issues from a growth mindset vocal point of view. So begin to bring in the word "yet into your inner dialogue and notice how that feels in your body.
Here's three steps to embodying the growth mindset - not just in your mind but also your body.
Step 1 - Developing Awareness
Step 2 - Changing your perspective
Step 3 - Take growth mindset action.
I will go further into these steps my next article so come back soon! But for now here is a tip you can start implementing into your life now:
A powerful tip to implement now
Your self talk/ inner dialogue has a huge impact not on your mindset but also your penis and body.
Perhaps you focus and tell yourself:
Notice when you say this to yourself it feels final. I can't control my erection/ejaculation feels final. This is the end and it will never improve. Your body and penis may even have a physical reaction to these statements.
Begins to introduce the word "yet" into your innner dialogue
The world yet opens up a world of possibilities. Repeat the statement which is linked to your sexual issues. Notice perhaps how your body, mind and penis respond tho this statement. It may be a subtle change.
Come back soon to read to the part two of this article on how to create change in your mindset so it influences the sexual response you want.
I wish you a wonderful day.
Porn addiction is the modern day drug which impacts children, teenagers and men of all ages. We need to see the bigger picture and consequences of porn on our culture, society and on men's psyche.
We now live in a time where children and men have a 24 hour supply and access to porn when they want it. We need to start asking ourselves what society and culture have we created where a man wants to have sex with himself while watching two, or more, random people having sex on his screen.
It's much more than releasing sexual energy or getting off. There is an inner world and landscape of underlying urges, drives, chemicals in the brain, behaviours, psychology, and mental patterns that motivate men to continue to watch porn and become addicted.
Porn takes away more than it gives
But, here's the thing.
You may think porn is giving you sexual pleasure and release - it actually takes away more than it gives. Porn and Porn Addiction is more damaging than you ever thought possible.
You may even try to justify your porn viewing to yourself by saying these statements (which I have heard many times from men):
"I watch porn like everyone else", "It's now part of our society" "Everyone else watches it, so what's the problem?" "My friend watches more than me"
These lies you tell yourself are there to help you ignore the reality of your situation. They are to encourage your behaviour around porn. You may think watching porn is normal. It's not. It has a direct impact upon your brain, chemicals and sexual function.
Internet porn is a multi-billion industry and is designed in a way so you to keep coming back for more and more. It is also responsible for a huge sex slave trade.
The hard cold fact is that porn takes away more than it gives.
Porn takes away your sense of self
Porn takes away your sense of self. It blocks you from showing up in the world as your true self. It blocks your creativity and lust for life as you waste hours upon hours watching two or more random people having sex - anything from vanilla porn to hardcore porn.
Porn disconnects you from your soul, your purpose, vision, and sense of masculinity. It creates issues in relationships, sexual function and intimacy. It blocks your connection to your body and heart.
When men lose meaning, passion and purpose in their life they truly suffer. The world does too.
The world doesn't need more men who are lost, hiding from life through porn, with no sense of purpose, direction and vision. The world needs more men who have the courage to say no to porn and to show up in their true essence, in their vulnerability, their strengths, and masculinity.
My question to you today - are you willing to take the first step today and reclaim your life from porn? To reconnect to your sense of self and soul? To live with courage, purpose and vision? To give permission to be the man you are deep down in your heart and body? If so, you must be willing to stop watching porn today. Not tomorrow, or next week. Change starts today. Be the man you want to be.
Linda Connors is a porn addiction hypnotherapist and has helped men quit porn and say yes to life with courage, purpose and vision. You can find more about Linda's programme here: The Porn Addiction Recovery Programme or to book your appointment today call 075 3421 3557.