Articles and writing with Linda Connors
Whether it’s premature ejaculation, erectile dysfunction or sexual anxiety here are the most common 4 mindset traps men fall into about sex and their performance. These mindset traps are designed to tripped you up even when you so deeply want to overcome the presenting sexual issue.
When you have sex and if you are embodying and thinking one or more of these mindsets you will simply default back into sexual anxiety, low sexual confidence and of course this will trigger either premature ejaculation or erectile dysfunction – and as a result shorten your sexual experience.
Mindset trap 1 - "I can't perfom"
It's difficult to have belief in your natural sexual ability when you are triggered by the mindset of "I can't perform" - either I am going to ejaculation too so or I am going to lose my erection. The ego enjoys reminding of your situation - it's important that the ego doesn't become dominate otherwise you will keep falling into this mindset trap.
Create space for a new belief to shine through. Make it realistic and what you can focus on today such as - I am learning to control my physical reactions (ejaculation or erections).
When you have a 'solution thinking mindset' - and choose to focus 80% of your thoughts/words on solutions - you will not only be heading more speedily to long-term success, but you will immediately feel better in the moment. Karen Salmansohn
mINDSET TRAP 2 - "iT'S GOING TO HAPPEN AGAIN"
This mindset trap "It's going to happen again" loves to remind you what has happened in the past. In a way it brings the past into the now and also into your future.
One of the big challenges for men who experience sexual issues is to stop focusing on the past and bring their awareness, breath and loving focus on this present moment. This does require a change of thinking patterns, focus and practice!
Your mindset matters. It affects everything - from the business and investment decisions you make, to the way you raise your children, to your stress levels and overall well-being. Peter Diamandis
mINDSET TRAP 3 - "i CAN'T SEXUALLY PLEASE MY PARTNER"
This mindset trap of "i can't sexually please my partner" brings a deep fear and insecurity of not able to sexual please your partner which ultimately brings about more anxiety, stress and sexual dysfunction. You end up being disconnect from her and then focus to much on your thoughts and what is happening with your penis. Remember sex is part pleasure - and also about connection - it's a way for a couple to truly get to know the other.
When men get caught in this mindset trap they lose the real connection of sex, intimacy and connection. So sex become a game of your performance and trying to get your partner to orgasm. When caught up in this mindset sex becomes a game you will never win - because in most cases it leads you down the path of either ejaculation to soon or not getting/or maintaining your erection.
The way a man penetrates the world should be the same way he penetrates his woman: not merely for personal gain or pleasure, but to magnify love, openness, and depth. David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
mINDSET tRAP 4 - "i AM NOT A MAN"
This mindset trap – I am not a man is often an unconscious belief and many are not even aware they think of feel this. Many men think because they experience a sexual issue or sexual dysfunction they are not a man. They feel embarrassed about their lack of ability to last longer in bed and align this with their identity as a man. As a result this mindset trap unconsciously seeps into other areas of his life – how he shows up with other men, how he leads, how he deals with conflict and even when his friends are discussing sex.
Your sexual ability does not define your masculinity - however how you choose to grow, learn and develop from these experiences does.
The more comfortable men are with dealing with their own vulnerability and their own ideas of masculinity and feeling emasculated, the healthier they are. It's a healthy thing to deal with. Ben Schnetzer
Your sexual issue does not define you
Men often see align this sexual issues with their identity. It's a physical behaviour and it's not connected to who you truly are - although it can seem like that. I have worked with some men who put up with either ejaculation too soon, or not able to get an erection as they were so embarrassed or humiliated by it and couldn't face speaking to anyone about it. I hear many of my clients say - "Linda I wish I got help sooner", "I can't belief I let this continue for so long without sorting it out" and "I regret the last 20 years of my life but now I am ready to overcome this issue". Don't wait too long to sort it out because you are missing on not just on sex, but also life, fun and enjoyment.
If you are ready to speak to me today about how I can help please call 075 3421 3557 or click on the button below.
What does confidence mean to you? My guess is you are here reading this article because you want to be more confident in your career, in the bedroom, communicating or life in general.
As a confidence coach, one of the traps I see many people getting into is they want to be more confident but they actually spend little time on what confidence means to them.
When people think about confidence it’s often a thought of: “I want more confidence”, “I want confidence to speak up in meetings” “I want more sexually confidence” “I want to be a confident leader” and the want lists of “doing” continues. It's really important to remember that confidence isn’t a state of doing or wanting – it’s a way of being where your mind, body, heart and spirit come into true alignment with your real true self and how you want to live your life.
Being confident is about connecting to your true self and allowing this to be naturally expressed in your life. Yet many people get into the trap of forcing confidence, wait until they are prefect, or long for the day when confidence magically arrives and brings all their personal wrongs to right, and all goals into reality.
Many simple accept these confidence traps so they put off truly living because they do not feel confident enough to ask someone on a date, ask for a payrise, have sex, or speak up in a meeting. Life eventually passes by them and before they know it they are on their deathbed with deep heartfelt regrets and many lost dreams.
It doesn’t need to be this way!
Building my own confidence was a journey for me which spans back to childhood, teenage years, and growing into an adult. I held myself back, kept safe and played small. It's fair to say I was very unhappy. Building my own confidence was a journey of meeting myself, learning to love myself, how to respond to the inner critic, connecting with my inner mentor, and be in the grace of acceptance.
Building confidence was not about waiting for the day when I was perfect - it was learning to live in this moment from a place of confidence. Meeting any judgement, fears and the inner critic from a place of love, kindness and acceptance AND still taking risks, learning to show up fully and expressing my true self in the world.