Relationships can be the place of incredible love, passion, intimacy, commitment and kindness but it also is the place of hurt, dysfunction, pain and anger.
Communication and the way we express ourselves is one of the keys to a kind, happy and loving relationship. Why do so many couples find it difficult to be honest and truthful with each other - in a kind and loving way rather than causing hurt and pain?
We are all human, and it's natural that couples have a difference of opinion, expectations and needs in a relationship and it's important these are expressed in an honest, kind, loving and truthful way.
Many couples often go around in circles stuck in their communication styles which are not productive, helpful and leads t further dysfunction. With each person begins to play a little game of being passive aggressive, or perhaps gives the silent treatment, avoid conflict (and in the process disconnect from their partner)
Then there is the fully fighting couple who are not afraid to yell and argument where nothing is held back - with the intent to hurt the other. In the heat of the moment, they are focusing on each of their own anger and being right - rather than working together to move forward.
I want to share this gem of a video with you - on what happens if arguments were honest?
Do you recognise yourself in here?
Linda Connors is Europe's Leading Sex Hypnotherapist and she also works with individuals and couples to improve their relationship through the hypnotherapy relationship coaching programme.
You can create the change today in your relationship by contacting me on 075 3421 3557.
In our fast evolving technology society there is an epidemic occurring behind closed doors which many in the medical profession, therapists and parents are ignoring or not even aware of - porn addiction in children and teenagers.
Children as young as ten are watching porn. Not just once but every day. These children and adolescents are being informed about sex through hardcore internet porn. This is their sex education. Boys expect their young girlfriend's to be willing, up for anything and at like porn stars. Girls do not know how to create boundaries and to say the words “no”.
These teenagers are having sex in this informative years as machines and are not mentally or emotionally prepared for it. It’s a frightening time, and I fear for these teenagers when they grow up to be adults and have sexual relationships as they simply will not have the skill set to be in a real loving sexual relationship. Especially after their main education is porn - as they sex sexual behaviour as normal.
Imagine a plant that hasn’t be nurtured, loved and water it will grow quite twisted. This is what porn is doing to the children and teenagers of today. Their sense of sex is now twisted and warped.
If these children and teenagers were smoking, taking drugs or drinking parents, schools and the governments, schools and parents would be fast acting.
Are you a parent or carer to children to teenagers?
If you are a parent - my advice is to talk to your children about this openly. Don't put it off it's essential to do it now. Don't be afraid to place restrictions on your child's phone or internet use or check their history - your are their parent first and not their friend. If you are vigilant today your child will understand the difference between porn and sex, the real truth of porn and the importance of respect, love and connection. They will thank you for it later when they enter adulthood and able to form loving relationships, have a successful career and experience a healthy emotional state.
Internet Porn addiction is impacting young men now in their mid-twenties
It's happening now - the full effect is hitting them now in their early to mid-twenties and many are contacting me for help. The impact on these young men is, in varying degrees, depression, anxiety, numbness to life, underperforming at work, disconnect from body, sexually objectifying women, extreme sexual fantasy, loss of creativity and focus and many also experience porn induced loss of sex drive, erection issues or early ejaculation.
Are you addicted to Porn?
Have you been watching porn since you were a child or a teenager? Now is the time to act and take the first steps forward. It's essential you someone to work who specialises in this area and understands the full extent of porn addiction on the male psyche, his identity as a man, sexual dysfunctions and emotional issues relating to porn. There are two aspects to porn - one is the addiction aspect and the other side is the impact on the man's sexual life, masculinity, drive, focus and motivation.
About Linda Connors
Linda Connors is Europe's Leading Sex Hypnotherapist and has creatived the 1-2-1 Porn Addiction Recovery Programme for men who want to stop watching porn and get their life, relationships, sex and career back on track.
To apply for the porn addiction programme please call 075 3421 3557 for a free telephone consultation.
Vaginismus - how to have sex pain free with calmness, confidence and ease
In my last article I discussed what causes Vaginismus and today I am want to share how to resolve vaginismus and how you can learn to have sex with freedom, calmness, confidence and ease.
For women who have vaginismus, sex is very challenging because the vagina tenses up and blocks the penis from entering the vagina. It is very difficult to imagine having sex when fear and anxiety is connected to ever thoughts about sex.
Many women need professional help and support to take these steps to having sex for the first time. So today I want to share with you some suggestions to help you prepare your mind, body and heart to have sex for the first time, or perhaps to have sex after a long time.
Relaxation and breathing exercises
Your body and vagina have set up an unconscious behaviour pattern which causes the vagina and body to tense and put up barriers to block any attempts to sex. Learning how to relax your mind and body is essential to overcome vaginismus as if you are scared or anxious your body will immediately tense especially your vagina. Practising yoga and meditation are both wonderful ways to relax and connect with your body.
Talk openly with your partner
Make the unconscious conscious - talk with your partner how you feel, how your body reacts and what your fears are. Don't keep your partner in the dark. Women are often afraid to speak up and share with their partners how they are feeling and what is happening as they worry about the pressure to have sex.
Also, let your partner share with you his feelings and thoughts. This conversation is the gateway to honesty, support and deeper love.
Be intimate with your partner
Don't let vaginismus stop you from being close with your partner. There are others ways to be intimate with other sexually without having sexual intercourse. Massage, kissing, stroking, cuddling and touching each other are wonderful ways to connect with each other on a heart level. Often women who experience vaginismus often fear if they are intimate in this way that it will lead to their partner wanting to have sex - this is why it is essential to be open and honest with each other.
Use dilators to retrain your vagina
Dilators can help to retrain your vagina and create a new body memory of being open, relaxed and safe when you have something in your vagina.
As you go on your vaginismus healing journey remember to take time out to celebrate each achievement and success, feel empowered by them as you continue to take a step towards reaching a fulfilled and happy sex life. If you insert a dilator in deeper than before or your use the next size up - celebrate! When your partner can insert his finger in your vagina or able to insert even the tip of his penis in your vagina - Celebrate!
Vaginismus Treatment Programme
As Europe's leading sex hypnotherapist I have created a healing and empowering vaginismus treatment programme which brings together hypnosis, body coaching, meditation and mind-body connection to create healing and retraining your mind, body and heart to be empowered to overcome vaginismus and start to have sex with ease, comfort and confidence.
It's a step by step process which works with your mindset, how you think and changes the way you process and respond to thoughts. You will resolve Vaginismus underlying issues and create a deeper understanding of yourself as women. You will develop and strengthen your resilience, resources and skills within you for inner-belief, calmness, confidence, and emotional well-being. You will learn how to change the behaviour patterns which are embedded in your body and vagina and sex and create a new response and way of being - which is more physically open.
Your next steps
Embrace each new day with an open heart, mind and body as you begin this new journey to connect with who you truly are.
Are you ready to overcome vaginismus and learn how to retrain your mind, body and heart, so you enjoy sex with freedom, ease, comfort and confidence? Call Linda today - she is here to help.
About Linda Connors
Linda Connors is Europe's Leading Sex Hypnotherapist and provides the vaginismus hypnotherapy treatment programme to professional and successful woman so they have more balance, connection and intimacy in their lives.
To speak with Linda and to apply for the 1-2-1- programme please call 075 3431 3557.
What causes Vaginismus
Many women who suffer from vaginismus feel alone, embarrassed and ashamed. They often suffer in silence by avoiding any sexual activity and some women even refuse to start a relationship. Vaginismus is actually a common sexual issue and professional help is available so you can start to have sex with your partner.
To heal and resolve vaginismus you must create change to retrain your mind, body and heart to enable you to have sex with confidence, calmness and ease - and without pain.
What is vaginismus?
Vaginismus is a condition that makes sexual penetration, medical exams and inserting tampons impossible. The muscles around the vagina tense and tighten involuntarily which makes sex and penetration impossible.
How Vaginismus impacts your life
Many women contact me feeling confused and frustrated about vaginismus. They love their partner deeply, yet their bodies will not let them have sex.
They don't understand why their body and vagina responds by tightening, closing, shutting down or putting a wall up - but they know the impact it has on their lives and relationships. These women worrying that they will not be able to get pregnant naturally, experience anxiety about sex being painful and worried their partners may leave them, because they can't have sex. They often lose their identity as a woman and some women will not even start a relationship.
The inner conflict
One side of them wants to have sex and become closer and more intimate with their partner, and other side doesn't want to as it feels safe and secure in the old behaviour patterns - this is the aspect that creates fear and anxiety about sex.
It's essential to work with these two sides - otherwise the inner conflict will become bigger. As we work together on the Vaginismus Hypnotherapy Empowerment Programme you will learn how to get these to two sides to work together to create positive changes and reduce the inner conflict, anxiety and fear.
What causes vaginismus?
It's important to know that each woman is different and therefore each underlying causes are different.
This is the end for part 1. Return back tomorrow for part 2 on how you can overcome vaginismus so you can have sex with ease, confidence and freedom.
About Linda Connors
Linda Connors is Europe's Leading Sex Hypnotherapist and works with women in the UK and around the world to resolve vaginismus so they can enjoy sex with freedom, confidence and ease.
If you also want to break free from vaginismus contact me today o 075 3421 3557.
As enter the birth of a new year I invite you to take some time out to reflect on the past year and how you would like to experience the new year ahead.
2016 certainly had it's ups and downs on so many different levels from Brexit, American Elections, the middle east, terrorist attacks, hate crimes and with so many people suffering around the world. Throw this into the mix of your own personal challenges of 2016, and you can see why 2016 has been an unsettling year for many.
I don't like new years resolutions as we all know that for most they last the blinking of an eye. We start out with great intentions, hopes and forced will power but before we know it we have returned to our old ways and the new year's resolution returned to dust.
New Year intentions are usually only surface level, and we don't invest our energy, focus and motivation into them as the benefits are not high enough to keep us going.
It was nearly ten years ago I set my last new years intention! Now I focus on creating a theme for the new year ahead as themes are much more successful. They go deeper into our dreams, vision and hopes for our lives.
Some of my clients themes for 2017 include building deeper relationships with their partner, to be more grounded, to create a healthier lifestyle, to be authentic, to step up in their life with strength, improve their sex life, to practice loving-kindness to themselves and others.
Your theme for 2017
You are invited today to spend some time in stillness to reflect on your theme for the new year ahead. what are you ready to let go off? What are you willing to change? What is missing in your life?
Here's a tip: Imagine you have travelled through 2017 and have reached 31 December 2017 and about to welcome in the new year of 2018. As you reflect upon 2017 what is different, how have you changed, what is your quality of life like, have you achieved what you wanted to, are you successful, happy and embracing love? Basically what is missing in your life that you would like to change.
Use this as your own guide to set your theme.
A new year brings an end to the year 2016 and a new beginning for 2017 so I wanted to share this beautiful and inspirational words from the writer, philosopher and poet John O'Donohue
For a New Beginning
In out of the way places of the heart
Where your thoughts never think to wander
This beginning has been quietly forming
Waiting until you were ready to emerge.
For a long time it has watched your desire
Feeling the emptiness grow inside you
Noticing how you willed yourself on
Still unable to leave what you had outgrown.
It watched you play with the seduction of safety
And the grey promises that sameness whispered
Heard the waves of turmoil rise and relent
Wondered would you always live like this.
Then the delight, when your courage kindled,
And out you stepped onto new ground,
Your eyes young again with energy and dream
A path of plenitude opening before you.
Though your destination is not clear
You can trust the promise of this opening;
Unfurl yourself into the grace of beginning
That is one with your life’s desire.
Awaken your spirit to adventure
Hold nothing back, learn to find ease in risk
Soon you will be home in a new rhythm
For your soul senses the world that awaits you.
I can help you be more successful, happier and calmer in 2017?
As Europe's Leading Sex Hypnotherapist I work with sexual issues, anxiety, relationship coaching and addictions. Can I help you create a better 2017? If so, please call me on 075 3421 3557 today and let's have a deep conversation to help you get the outcomes you want.