The power of words can reach down and connect with your heart and touch your soul. It can be truly life changing.
Mary Oliver is one of my favourite poets. I remember so clearly the first time I heard one of her poems.
Six years ago I was in beautiful Scotland on a mediation and hiking retreat at a Buddhist centre. The buddhist centre was very simple but surrounded by such beauty of the Scottish Highlands. As soon as I arrived I felt the love and compassion and felt I had arrived home.
After much meditating, and hiking in the surrounding hills and mountains we came together in the meditation hall one evening and mediated together. It was such a deep and enriching experience.
Then someone shared this poem:
The Summer Day
Who made the world?
Who made the swan, and the black bear?
Who made the grasshopper?
This grasshopper, I mean-
the one who has flung herself out of the grass,
the one who is eating sugar out of my hand,
who is moving her jaws back and forth instead of up and down-
who is gazing around with her enormous and complicated eyes.
Now she lifts her pale forearms and thoroughly washes her face.
Now she snaps her wings open, and floats away.
I don't know exactly what a prayer is.
I do know how to pay attention, how to fall down
into the grass, how to kneel down in the grass,
how to be idle and blessed, how to stroll through the fields,
which is what I have been doing all day.
Tell me, what else should I have done?
Doesn't everything die at last, and too soon?
Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?
Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?
This beautiful poem captures our fragile humanity and reminds us not to play it safe in our lives.
Whenever I read this this poem I am transported back in time to Scotland and re-live the experience. My body, heart and soul listening to these magical words the first time. I feel alive, empowered and joyful. I knew then that my one wild and precious life would be spectacular, joyful, challenging (I don't play life safe and like to step outside of my comfort zone) and one amazing journey.
What about you - tell me what it is you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?
Premature ejaculation is one of the top sexual issues men face and experience in their sex lives. Many men prefer to put their head in the clouds and ignore the problem, avoid sex and even some go to the extreme of avoiding relationships.
The long-term implication of avoiding discussing or confronting premature ejaculation can be detrimental.
Some men carry their sexual issues around with them on a day to day basis - it impacts them on their masculine identity, confidence levels, work, socialising and even meeting new sexual partners.
It takes courage to stop avoiding the issues and face it head on. It takes courage to speak to your partner about it. As a Premature Ejaculation Therapist I recognise it also takes courage for some men to contact me, speak to me on the phone and come to my office to attend their first appointment.
We only live this life once. How do you choose to experience life - through avoidance or connecting with your courage to look at premature ejaculation and learn how to prevent it.
I wanted to share with you top five tips to preventing premature ejaculation, gain ejaculation control and truly transform your sex life. These tips are for long-term success.
Tip 1 - Reduce anxiety
Learn breathing, meditation and body relaxation which brings a stronger sense of calmness, peace and well-being to your mind and body. It can help with sensitivity and early arousal. One of the many exercises I share with my clients is a simple yet very effective breathing method.
Take a deep breath in, expand the breath in your stomach. Hold for three seconds. Exhale for five seconds. Do this between five and ten times.
Tip 2 - Change thinking patterns
Never underestimate the power of your thoughts. We are what we think, what we think we become. If your thoughts and energy are focussed on ejaculating too early - this will become a self filling prophecy. Stop investing your energy into your thoughts. The first step is to accept and , acknowledge them. Focus on what you want (rather than what you don't want).
Tip 3 - Build Sexual confidence
Many men that I have worked with often feel their sexual confidence has taken a huge beating. They are not sexually confident, have disconnected from their masculinity and lost faith in their sexual performance.
Remember premature ejaculation is not who you are - it's a physical pattern of behaviour and is not part of who you are.
Tip 4 - Communication
I recognise that discussing premature ejaculation with partners can be extremely difficult, and many men feel it's easier and more comfortable to avoid discussing it. That may help in the short-term but definitely not in the long-term.
Communication is the key to allowing your partner to support you. Some women may get upset and feel it's their fault and you are not attracted to them. Be honest, open and truthful. Many of my clients who have found the courage to talk to their partner often feel relieved, and find that their anxiety and fears around sex are reduced.
Tip 5 - Body control
Form a healthy relationship between your mind and body. The benefit of this is you will learn how to reduce and stop any tension and sensitivity in your pelvic area before you lose control.
Linda Connors specialises in male sexual issues and premature ejaculation. To speak to Linda to book an appointment please call 075 3421 3557.
Please note: some medical conditions can cause sexual problems so please ensure you also speak to your doctor.
Linda Connors is a Coach in London and Somerset. To find out more call 075 3421 3557.
Namaste! For three weeks over Christmas and the New Year I was travelling around India with my partner. We had some amazing times, and also very challenging times - if anyone who has been to India understands!
It's a vibrant country, filled with chaos, noise, pollution, over populated but at times we also witness incredible kindness, compassion and care by Indian's amazing citizens.
This was my second trip to India - something keeps calling me back and finally after 15 years I decided to pack my bags and go off exploring again.
On Christmas day we ended up at the Taj Mahal - the beautiful monument of love. Even through India is predominately a Hindu country over Christmas and the New Year many take time off and offices are closed. When we arrived at the Taj Mahal there was massive crowds - thousands upon thousands of people trying to get a glimpse of a love that time has passed with a few foreign tourists thrown in.
When we eventually made it into the tomb section - it was horribly overcrowded - people were constantly pushing in the tight space, trying to get to the front, and then pushing to try to make it the exit.
It was so easy to get caught up in the chaos, the movement, the rush, the crowds and lack of personal space. For a while I did and then I stopped with a realisation I had a choice to continue with the stress of the experience or I could change my emotional state and alter my experience.
I said to my partner lets just stand here and meditate for a while. Holding hands with each other and our other hand on the beautiful marble rail we closed our eyes and meditated. It felt time had stood still, the chaos was around me but it wasn't part of me and within me there was peace, quiet and contentment.
Around me there was chaos
This is not the inner world I wanted
nor the experience I was looking for
I closed my eyes
to find an inner wold of
silence, calmness and peace
My heart opened
to the beautiful place before me
My heart smiled
as I opened my eyes
a new experience awaits me.
When I reflect now back to the Taj Mahal - I don't remember the chaos, the crowds, the pushing or the noise (or the constant whistles of the policemen telling people off!) I remember a wonderful inner peace and joy as I stood within the Taj Mahal embraced by its beauty.
Regardless of what is happening in your life, chaos, challenging times, or things outside of your control you too can find a beautiful inner peace.
Finding inner peace isn't complex or complicated. It's a choice. Close your eyes, place a hand on your heart, breathe, smile and flow down into your heart. Enjoy!