Flight anxiety – men want to get out of the bedroom they want to flee the situation. The anxiety becomes all consuming and when this happens certain functions in the body stop working – on a sex level ejaculation control.
Fight anxiety – when men experience fight anxiety – they want to stay and fight with the anxiety. They focus all their energy on trying to “control” the anxiety, trying to “control” their thoughts. This of course results in early ejaculation because the body’s focus is fighting the anxiety once again certain functions in the body stop working – ejaculation control.
So how do you break this cycle of early ejaculation, fear of performing badly in bed and the flight and fight response? I share 5 steps you can take now to break this cycle.
Step 1 – Slow your breathing
This may seem obvious but in the heat of the moment you most likely forget. When you feel anxious, this increases your breathing, which increases your heart rate when then sends a message to your brain that something is happening – which causes even more anxiety and Adrenalin because your body starts to prepare to fight or flight.
Practice now – slowing breathing in. Pause. Slowly breathing out. Pause. Do this a few few more times. Even practice it as you go about your day.
Step 2 – Fixed mindset
Your fixed mindset (e.g. the belief that you can’t change, and the belief that premature ejaculation will always happen etc) keeps you stuck in this unwanted place. What you think you become. Begin to practice stepping into the growth mindset. The growth mindset learns from failure. It sees it as an opportunity to learn, to grow and to create change by taking growth mindset action.
Step 3 – you are not your thoughts
What are your thoughts telling you? That you will ejaculate too soon? It will happen again? You can’t please your partner? Here’s the thing – even though it may feel like it – your thoughts are not real. They are not a part of you. They are not a part of who you are as a man. The third step is to accept your thoughts. For when you accept them they gradually lose their power over you.
Step 4 – check your focus
Men who experience premature ejaculation anxiety often focus on their penis and groin area. I call this the hyper-focus. Because the hyper focus is so intense all the energy is place in one area of your body which increases hyper sensitivity and high arousal. Bring your focus to the whole of your body – not just your penis. To practice this as you go about your day bring your awareness to your feet. Feel grounded.
Step 5 – stop trying to please your partner
Men often feel anxious and a failure if they can’t sexually please their partner. They try too hard, the anxiety increases and it’s happened again. This causes you to be disconnected and not present – and I am sure you partner most likely picks up on this. Focus on connecting with your partner and being present with her.
If you would like help to last longer in bed visit this page: Treatment for premature ejaculation.
Appointments available in in London Harley Street, Bath and internationally online through Skype/Zoom. Or call Linda 075 3421 3557.