Articles and writing with Linda Connors
Our sexual identity is complex. Both men and women carry baggage from social and culture beliefs, childhood experiences and trauma, mind-set and thoughts, anxiety and fear and our internal programming.
As humans beings we experience life on many different levels and this includes sex - through our mind, body, heart and spirit.
Men and women sexuality are both different and need to be addressed and worked on differently. When men and women experience sexual issues they often get stuck on one or two of the levels - and sex becomes unbalanced and confidence, fulfilment and enjoyment are reduced.
When men experiences sexual issues (erection issues, early ejaculation, delayed ejaculation or sexual anxiety) often get stuck in their thoughts. Thoughts such as I won't be able to perform. I can't please my partner. She is going to leave me. They focus on their thoughts and what their penis is or isn't doing - and disconnect from their partner. The anxiety in the body can feel very strong and contribute to the sexual issues. This has a direct impact their sexual performance, sexual confidence, male identity and masculinity.
When women experiences sexual issues (Vaginismus, orgasm issues, low sex drive, low sexual confidence/anxiety) the levels of mind, body and heart are impacted. Their thoughts may include I won't be able to have sex. I can't orgasm. It's going to hurt. The female body can find it difficult to let go, relax or be open on a physical level especially if they fear sex or feel like they are missing out on something.. Some women feel very vulnerable opening their hearts based upon trust issues, low self esteem and fear. This has a direct impact on how women feel about themselves, their relationship with their body and vagina, sexual confidence and femininity.
Alignment of mind, body, heart and spirit (masculinity / femininity)
As a result - both men and women's experience of sex is often unbalanced and they don't enjoy or feel fulfilled because of this.
This is why it's fundamental when addressing your sexual issues and creating change it's so important to working with the levels of mind, body, heart and spirit. To bring balance to each part of the aspects of you who are. To align this with your goals, aspirations, sexual energy, masculine / feminine energy, hopes and desires as well as creating solutions for the sexual issues.
Working with Men who experience sexual issues
Who we are sexually had a direct influence over our life - and that includes how leaders lead others. If men experience sexual issues this has a knock off effect on their sense of masculinity and male identity - which then influences who they are as leaders.
Male sexual issues and the impact upon their leadership style, communication and skills is an areas which hasn't been researched, understood or even discussed at all.
Many of my clients are leaders in their organisation. They appear confident. Yet underneath they are carrya large secret - they can not perform sexually - either through sexual anxiety, delayed ejaculation, premature ejaculation or erectile dysfunction. It feels like a weight on their shoulders - a heavy burden that they are inadequate, and for some feel a sense of loss of male identity.
They carry this within them in their inner world and it indirectly has a influence on their leadership style and skills. I was reading Harvard Business Review - 10 most reads on managing yourself. In this book they discuss the impact of a leaders emotional style - it's an area which is most often dismissed of any importance (especially here in the UK) but who we are emotionally has influence and impact on the people we meet, communicate with and how we lead others.
Who we are sexually also has a direct influence in our life - as sex is an important part of who we are as human beings and is connected to our emotional, physical and intimate well-being. Some of my clients share with me that they find it difficult to manage conflict effectively, they may have an increase in anxiety and stress at work are not able to fully access their masculine qualities - strength, inner powerful, decision making and focus - which contributes to how well they lead themselves and others.
In my experience and direct reporting from my clients is this: When the sexual issue is resolved the anxiety and stress reduces significantly or is eliminated. They begin to show up more fully at work and their leadership style and skills become more aligned with who they truly are as men. Dealing with conflicts, communications and leading becomes second nature. They feel calmer and more in control within themselves. They become the leaders they were born to be.
To speak to Linda or to book an appointment please call +44 (0) 75 3421 3557.