From the men I have worked with I have seen first hand how porn addiction is having a detrimental effect on men's lives - work is suffering, sex life becomes boring as they need more extreme ways to get turned on, relationships and intimacy are at a low and it can take longer to ejaculate with their sexual partner.
The differences between watching porn and having physical sex on your mind, body and heart are worlds apart. Porn addiction causes disconnection and real physical sex causes a deeper connection and intimacy between two people.
According to research just watching 5 hours of porn changes the brain and influences sexual beliefs and attitudes towards women. As porn becomes the norm many men do not even realise this impact and how many of their lives suffer.
Is there any place for porn in a relationship?
Absolutely! Porn (with boundaries) can be a fun way to introduce new games into a couple's sex life and bring a new dimension. It's about the intention and the connection between the two people and how porn can support them on their intimacy, passionate and fun journey together - as opposed to someone who is addicted to porn and becomes isolated and alone.
If you constantly watch porn alone it begins to build a large gap between yourself and those around them. It takes your energy, focus and sexual desire and manifests it in a way which isn't real, connected or from a place of intimacy.
About Linda Connors
Linda is a Porn Addiction Therapist in London Harley Street and Skype and helps professional men stop watching porn and reconnect to life, relationships and sex.
If you are needing help now get in touch by clicking here.
I wish my very best for you.
Men's sexual issues hit deep in a man's psyche, identity level of who they are as a man, their masculinity and sexual confidence.
Men can often feel so very alone, find it difficult to talk about and often ignore the sexual issue. They do not want to get caught up in the cycle of anxious thoughts, limiting beliefs, disempowered mindset or fears which then leads to a frustrated sexual performance. Yet they do not know who to move to pass this.
Here are my top 5 tips for overcoming sexual dysfunction so you can last longer in bed.
Step 1 - Stop focusing on what you don't want
It's very easy, on a conscious or subconscious level, to focus on what you don’t have yet or don’t want. Such as - I’m going to lose my erection. I’m not going to please my partner. I’m going to ejaculate too quickly.
This thinking style quickly escalates into thought loops – which is when the thoughts go round and round without an exit point or any form of resolution. A thought loop may go something like: "I feel like sex tonight. But I can’t because I will come too quickly. I don’t feel like a man. I won’t be able to sexually please my partner. I am going to fail. My partner will leave me".
ACTION: When you find yourself thinking of what you don’t want – simply shift your awareness, attention and focus to what you do want. My suggestion is to do this without any judgement or pressure on yourself – as this holds you back.
Albert Einstein said we can’t solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them
Step 2 - Get outside of your comfort zone
If you always do what you always did you will always get what you always got! If you want a better sex life and last longer in bed it's important you step just outside of your comfort zone and by that I mean that you are willing to take risks, to initiate sex and stop allowing sex to be the elephant in the room.
Action: Stop allowing fear to dominate your sexual actions. Take small steps towards change and towards the edge of your comfort zone
Step 3 - Stop beating yourself up
Many of my clients tend to beat themselves up when they encounter sexual issues, and if things don't go the way they wanted or expected sexual. They align what happened with their identity as a man.
Perhaps you notice that you start judging yourself and then mentally and emotionally start to beat yourself up – you start to get annoyed, angry and frustration and then bump into more fears and insecurities - and this creates the anxiety cycle.
This cycle of beating yourself up, judging and sexual anxiety keeps you stuck.
Action: Begin to notice when you beat yourself up, when you get addicted to over thinking and are over analysing. When it happens ask yourself it is helpful to beat myself up? I wonder how it would make a difference if you were more forgiving and accepting of yourself?
Step 4 - Learn how to be more present and connected during sex
Perhaps you get so caught up in being a good lover, giving your partner an orgasm and being able to perform, focus on what your penis is doing and worrying about lasting longer in bed that you actually forget how to be present and connected during sex and with your partner.
Men often think the power of sex comes from their performance first. Of course this matters and makes a difference but it’s not the most important thing. The first important aspect is your presence.
Action: Being present is about being present with yourself – being connected to yourself, being whole. Practice bringing your awareness to the here and now. When your thoughts being to wander - bring your awareness to you in-breath and out-breath.
Step 5 - Trust your ability to create change
Don King said “Confidence comes not from knowing you know everything but from knowing you can handle what comes up.
Don’t worry if you are not where you want to be right at the moment in time – be confident in your potential. You were born with an amazing amount of skills, strengths and resources – learn to tap into them and use them.
Action: Stop focusing on what has happened in the past or what may happen in the future. Focus on the outcome you want and the solution. Think of all the situations you have improved - you did that because you have an amazing amount of skills, strengths and resources - learn how to utilise them to help you resolve your sexual issues.
Linda Connors is Europe's Leading Sex Hypnotherapist and Confidence Coach and works with executives to overcome male sexual issues.
Appointments for London hypnotherapy are in London Harley Street and also through Skype.
To work with Linda and discover how she can help you last longer in bed call 075 3421 3557.
Are you aware of the inner dialogue, thoughts and stories you carry around in your mind? Are you aware of how these limit your life and restrict you from being you?
Many of us tend to carry stories around with us on who we think we are; these stories may be made up of self-beliefs, experiences or relationships with others. They may be created from our younger years from siblings, parents and teachers.
In these stories we create a character in which our decisions, purpose, vision and mental and emotional state all represent. This character, which is really ourselves, also likes to create labels. I am unlovable, an addict, depressed, anxious hopeful or a failure. The list can go on and on, but I am sure you get the picture.
People act our their stories and labels. So the sexually anxious person stops performing in bed. The person who blushes constantly blushes. The person who fears intimacy blocks love and connection. The person who feels they are unlovable date people who will fulfil this self-fulfilling prophecy
The stories and labels you carry around do not define you. It may feel that these stories are part of who you are and your identity - but they are not.
You are not anxious - you are experiencing anxiety now.
You are not unlovable - you only think you are unlovable.
You are not a failure - you are learning and finding a new way forward.
All through my childhood and right up to my early thirties I carried many stories around in my head that I am not worthy, not lovable and I aligned my identity with anxiety and depression.
Every action, thought, movement and decision I made were from the story I carried around in my mind. I can't apply for that job as I won't be good enough. I can't go to my friend's birthday celebration as I will be too anxious. I can't go on a date as I am unlovable.
These stories and labels placed restrictions on my choices and limited my life. Just over ten years ago I decided to rewrite my stories, labels and thoughts. I broke free from the self-made chains of my mind, body and heart and that enabled me to move forward in a new way - with self-love, self-esteem, confidence and courage.
Whatever stories you are carrying around - from anxious, painful, or low self-esteem - remember they are not you. Notice how they hold you back and block your life.
Begin to see these stories for what they truly are - they can be a door opening to allow you to live a new way, giving you the courage to release the stories and write a new story which will set your free.
Are you ready?
Linda Connors is a London Hypnotherapist in Harley Street. She helps executives rewrite their mindset, thoughts and beliefs so they can be free to be themselves at work, in relationships and during sex.
Speak to Linda now on 075 3421 3557 or click here to send a confidential message
Linda is a London Hypnotherapist Harley Street. She helps
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London Hypnotherapy in Harley Street and Bath in Somerset. Online Skype Hypnotherapy, Hypnotherapy and Confidence Coaching are available across the UK and Channel Island (Jersey and Guernsey), Europe, America (USA), Australia, Africa and United Arab Emirates (Dubai and Abu Dhabi)
Linda Connors Hypnotherapist and Coach
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Mobile: 075 3421 3557
Landline: 0207 164 6247