From the men I have worked with I have seen first hand how porn addiction is having a detrimental effect on men's lives - work is suffering, sex life becomes boring as they need more extreme ways to get turned on, relationships and intimacy are at a low and it can take longer to ejaculate with their sexual partner.
The differences between watching porn and having physical sex on your mind, body and heart are worlds apart. Porn addiction causes disconnection and real physical sex causes a deeper connection and intimacy between two people.
According to research just watching 5 hours of porn changes the brain and influences sexual beliefs and attitudes towards women. As porn becomes the norm many men do not even realise this impact and how many of their lives suffer.
Is there any place for porn in a relationship?
Absolutely! Porn (with boundaries) can be a fun way to introduce new games into a couple's sex life and bring a new dimension. It's about the intention and the connection between the two people and how porn can support them on their intimacy, passionate and fun journey together - as opposed to someone who is addicted to porn and becomes isolated and alone.
If you constantly watch porn alone it begins to build a large gap between yourself and those around them. It takes your energy, focus and sexual desire and manifests it in a way which isn't real, connected or from a place of intimacy.
About Linda Connors
Linda is a Porn Addiction Therapist in London Harley Street and Skype and helps professional men stop watching porn and reconnect to life, relationships and sex.
If you are needing help now get in touch by clicking here.
I wish my very best for you.
Men's sexual issues hit deep in a man's psyche, identity level of who they are as a man, their masculinity and sexual confidence.
Men can often feel so very alone, find it difficult to talk about and often ignore the sexual issue. They do not want to get caught up in the cycle of anxious thoughts, limiting beliefs, disempowered mindset or fears which then leads to a frustrated sexual performance. Yet they do not know who to move to pass this.
Here are my top 5 tips for overcoming sexual dysfunction so you can last longer in bed.
Step 1 - Stop focusing on what you don't want
It's very easy, on a conscious or subconscious level, to focus on what you don’t have yet or don’t want. Such as - I’m going to lose my erection. I’m not going to please my partner. I’m going to ejaculate too quickly.
This thinking style quickly escalates into thought loops – which is when the thoughts go round and round without an exit point or any form of resolution. A thought loop may go something like: "I feel like sex tonight. But I can’t because I will come too quickly. I don’t feel like a man. I won’t be able to sexually please my partner. I am going to fail. My partner will leave me".
ACTION: When you find yourself thinking of what you don’t want – simply shift your awareness, attention and focus to what you do want. My suggestion is to do this without any judgement or pressure on yourself – as this holds you back.
Albert Einstein said we can’t solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them
Step 2 - Get outside of your comfort zone
If you always do what you always did you will always get what you always got! If you want a better sex life and last longer in bed it's important you step just outside of your comfort zone and by that I mean that you are willing to take risks, to initiate sex and stop allowing sex to be the elephant in the room.
Action: Stop allowing fear to dominate your sexual actions. Take small steps towards change and towards the edge of your comfort zone
Step 3 - Stop beating yourself up
Many of my clients tend to beat themselves up when they encounter sexual issues, and if things don't go the way they wanted or expected sexual. They align what happened with their identity as a man.
Perhaps you notice that you start judging yourself and then mentally and emotionally start to beat yourself up – you start to get annoyed, angry and frustration and then bump into more fears and insecurities - and this creates the anxiety cycle.
This cycle of beating yourself up, judging and sexual anxiety keeps you stuck.
Action: Begin to notice when you beat yourself up, when you get addicted to over thinking and are over analysing. When it happens ask yourself it is helpful to beat myself up? I wonder how it would make a difference if you were more forgiving and accepting of yourself?
Step 4 - Learn how to be more present and connected during sex
Perhaps you get so caught up in being a good lover, giving your partner an orgasm and being able to perform, focus on what your penis is doing and worrying about lasting longer in bed that you actually forget how to be present and connected during sex and with your partner.
Men often think the power of sex comes from their performance first. Of course this matters and makes a difference but it’s not the most important thing. The first important aspect is your presence.
Action: Being present is about being present with yourself – being connected to yourself, being whole. Practice bringing your awareness to the here and now. When your thoughts being to wander - bring your awareness to you in-breath and out-breath.
Step 5 - Trust your ability to create change
Don King said “Confidence comes not from knowing you know everything but from knowing you can handle what comes up.
Don’t worry if you are not where you want to be right at the moment in time – be confident in your potential. You were born with an amazing amount of skills, strengths and resources – learn to tap into them and use them.
Action: Stop focusing on what has happened in the past or what may happen in the future. Focus on the outcome you want and the solution. Think of all the situations you have improved - you did that because you have an amazing amount of skills, strengths and resources - learn how to utilise them to help you resolve your sexual issues.
Linda Connors is Europe's Leading Sex Hypnotherapist and Confidence Coach and works with executives to overcome male sexual issues.
Appointments for London hypnotherapy are in London Harley Street and also through Skype.
To work with Linda and discover how she can help you last longer in bed call 075 3421 3557.
Are you aware of the inner dialogue, thoughts and stories you carry around in your mind? Are you aware of how these limit your life and restrict you from being you?
Many of us tend to carry stories around with us on who we think we are; these stories may be made up of self-beliefs, experiences or relationships with others. They may be created from our younger years from siblings, parents and teachers.
In these stories we create a character in which our decisions, purpose, vision and mental and emotional state all represent. This character, which is really ourselves, also likes to create labels. I am unlovable, an addict, depressed, anxious hopeful or a failure. The list can go on and on, but I am sure you get the picture.
People act our their stories and labels. So the sexually anxious person stops performing in bed. The person who blushes constantly blushes. The person who fears intimacy blocks love and connection. The person who feels they are unlovable date people who will fulfil this self-fulfilling prophecy
The stories and labels you carry around do not define you. It may feel that these stories are part of who you are and your identity - but they are not.
You are not anxious - you are experiencing anxiety now.
You are not unlovable - you only think you are unlovable.
You are not a failure - you are learning and finding a new way forward.
All through my childhood and right up to my early thirties I carried many stories around in my head that I am not worthy, not lovable and I aligned my identity with anxiety and depression.
Every action, thought, movement and decision I made were from the story I carried around in my mind. I can't apply for that job as I won't be good enough. I can't go to my friend's birthday celebration as I will be too anxious. I can't go on a date as I am unlovable.
These stories and labels placed restrictions on my choices and limited my life. Just over ten years ago I decided to rewrite my stories, labels and thoughts. I broke free from the self-made chains of my mind, body and heart and that enabled me to move forward in a new way - with self-love, self-esteem, confidence and courage.
Whatever stories you are carrying around - from anxious, painful, or low self-esteem - remember they are not you. Notice how they hold you back and block your life.
Begin to see these stories for what they truly are - they can be a door opening to allow you to live a new way, giving you the courage to release the stories and write a new story which will set your free.
Are you ready?
Linda Connors is a London Hypnotherapist in Harley Street. She helps executives rewrite their mindset, thoughts and beliefs so they can be free to be themselves at work, in relationships and during sex.
Speak to Linda now on 075 3421 3557 or click here to send a confidential message
Linda is a London Hypnotherapist Harley Street. She helps
Do you lack energy for sex and suffer from a low sex drive and low libido? If you answer is yes - know that you are not alone.
In our modern day society, many women have become expert in juggling their life – work, family, children, partners, friends and social life. They spend a lot of emotional and physical emotional energy on other commitments, and their own needs are put at the bottom of the list. So when it comes to sex, they are simply too tired, drained, and not in the mood to even think about it.
Low libido and low sex drive can create issues, conflicts and frustration in the relationship. On a subconscious level they put their partner, sex and themselves at the bottom of their to-do lists.
As a Sex Hypnotherapist and Confident Coach I have worked with many women who suffer from low libido and sex drive. They simply no longer think about sex, or have any energy left for sex.
Where are you investing your sexual energy?
Sex and sexual relationships for women are multidimensional – meaning that it is not just a physically act but also an emotional one with a deep level of intimacy. If you are running around constantly, thinking about to do lists, making dinner preparations, food shopping, finishing reports for work, always checking work emails, and in the middle of this also looking after your children - it’s a little wonder you do not have the energy or emotions for sex – you are simply too stressed or tired out!
Here are my top six tips to help you increase your sexual desire and sexual libido:
Increase Sex Drive Tip 1 - Create time for you
Make time for you. Just for you. This is essential to de-stress, recharge your batteries and unwind.
If you have a busy life schedule, even just take 5 or 10 minutes out. Have a bath, read a book, go for a walk, do some yoga or meditate.
This helps to reconnect to yourself and also lowers the stress hormone cortisol.
Increase Sex Drive Tip 2 - Reconnect to your sexual energy
Bring your awareness back to you. Back to your heart and body. How do you move your body? What is your relationship like with your body and vagina? Notice where you are investing your energy and bring the energy back to you.
Go our dancing, have fun, be spontaneous, give each other a non-sexual but very sensual massage!
This helps to reconnect to you, your body and sexual energy.
Increase Sex Drive Tip 3 - Go solo
Women often carry a lot of shame about self pleasure and masturbation. It's the unspoken act. Get some sex toys and experiment with yourself. Learn what turns you on. What feels good and what your hot spots are.
Increase Sex Drive Tip 4 - Feel alive again!
Break out of your routine. Go away for an afternoon, or if time allows for the weekend. Break out of your routine, do something challenging and different - go canoeing, or hiking together to get you out of your patterns and comfort zone.
Increase Sex Drive Tip 5 - Exercise
Start to exercise. Go to the gym, bike ride, swim, or walk. It doesn't matter what you do just move your body.
Exercise helps with the blood flow and releases the happy chemicals into your body called endorphins.
Increase Sex Drive Tip 5 - Go on date night
Put away your to do lists and learn to put your relationship and partner first. Go out for dinner together, dress up, wear some sexy lingerie - wear it for yourself. Don’t talk about work, or the children, focus on each other - get to know each other again and have fun!
About Linda Connors
Linda Connors is a London Sex Hypnotherapist for sexual dysfunction. She helps men, women and couples reinvent their sex life through confidence, connection, love and heart.
If you want to increase your sex drive call Linda now on 075 3421 3557 or send a message here. Your sex drive is an innate part of you, although it may feel lost but it's still within you - I will help you to reconnect with it.
Just imagine there is a secret doorway that allows you access your most innermost part of you. Behind this door lies two paths. One path is a wealth of knowledge, wisdom and understanding. The other path is for your behaviour patterns and beliefs.
Say for example you may experience early ejaculation. One of these paths lies your potential, your ability to last longer in bed and innate knowledge on how to control ejaculation. The other path is your behaviour patterns and beliefs and why you ejaculation so quickly - and there may be many reasons for this - physical conditioned response, learnt behaviour, or deeper underlying reasons.
This second path is neutral - it's doing what it think it needs to do for whatever reason. It is stuck in a loop and is keep repeating the pattern because that is what it does. There are no positive or negative actions in the subconscious mind - it just does what it does.
Now imagine these two paths reconnect - so the wisdom, knowledge and understanding connects with the route of your behaviour patterns and beliefs. This path brings balance and harmony back into your mind, body and heart because when these two paths cross and connect and the innate wisdom, knowledge and understanding expand it helps the behaviour patterns and beliefs to shift and change.
This example is one element of hypnotherapy. It's very powerful because it allows access into your subconscious mind without the filters of the conscious mind getting in the way.
A very experienced hypnotherapist it is used to help with sexual dysfunction, fear of intimacy, and relationship problems.
How hypnosis and hypnotherapy can help you to live a more fulfilled, loving and successful life
Hypnotherapy provides a path to break down the blocks, shields and barriers which get in your way to live a more fulfilled life. Often these behaviours, patterns and blocks have become so engrained they simply form part of our life - hypnosis helps to shine a light on these areas with understanding, awareness, and compassion so you can change more easily.
Hypnotherapy supports you to open your heart, mind and body, to let go of fears and anxiety and to show up fully in all areas of your life - from career, relationships, sexual, and personal.
Linda Connors is a Leading London Hypnotherapist for executives in Harley Street. Specialising in sexual dysfunction, fear of intimacy, anxiety and relationships she helps people to live a loving, free, fun and successful life.
To speak to Linda and book an appointment please call 075 3421 3557. She is more than happy to talk to you.
Sex is an essential part of adult life and relationships. When your partner suffers from vaginismus, or experiences painful sex, it is only natural that it may start to impact the relationship. Sex forms an important part in relationships and vaginismus can certainly strain any relationship. Men are often lost on how to deal with it and support their partner.
Vaginismus is a vaginal tightness which either prevents the penis from entering the vagina or causes painful sex.
Men often feel helpless, confused, shut out and have no idea to help and support their partner at during this time. You may feel guilty that you still want to have sex and when you have sex with you partner you then worry it's are causing her pain.
With over ten years experience as a Sex Hypnotherapist here are my top six tips to be supportive to your partner when she is suffering from Vaginismus.
1. Be supportive to your partner
Be supportive with your partner, ask her questions, encourage her to seek treatment and sex hypnotherapy. Throughout the therapy process continue to be supportive. Ask your partner how you can help and be involved.
By being positive will help your partner to stay motivated and focussed.
2. Educate yourself
Educate yourself by reading websites, forum or articles on what vaginismus is and what help is available. You may be finding it sexually frustrating not being able to have sex with your partner - however she is most likely feeling anxious you may leave her, worried she can't have children, not feel normal and lost.
3. Celebrate success together
During the therapy and process it's important to acknowledge and celebrate success together - regardless of how small or big the success is.
4. Be honest about your feelings
Many men remain silent about how their vaginismus impacts them by bottling up anger, guilt, frustration and stress associated with not being able to experience a natural and healthy sex life with their partner.
It's important you are honest with your partner about how you are feeling. Discuss that you still have sexual feelings towards her. One of the key aspects to overcoming this as a couple is communication between the two of you.
5. Continue to be intimate
Often the male will deny any sexual feelings and desire for sexual intimacy walking on eggshells around his partner and avoiding any sexual contact with her.
Remember sexual intercourse is not the only way you can be intimate with each other. Rediscover your body's partner, and let her rediscover yours by massage, stroking, sensual touch and stimulation.
Initially, she may fear that this may lead to sex - assure her it won't - not until she is ready.
6. Enjoy and have fun together!
By communicating, being open and intimate with each other will not only help your partner over vaginismus and painful sex but also strengthen your relationship with each other.
Europe's Leading Sex Hypnotherapist Linda Connors is a specialist in sexual dysfunction. She works with women who experience Vaginismus to overcome it and through Sex hypnotherapy and Confidence coaching helps them to enjoy sex again.
Appointments for Vaginismus Therapy are available in London Harley Street and internationally on Skype. Call 075 3421 3557 today to speak to Linda and get your sex life back.
Relationships can be the place of incredible love, passion, intimacy, commitment and kindness but it also is the place of hurt, dysfunction, pain and anger.
Communication and the way we express ourselves is one of the keys to a kind, happy and loving relationship. Why do so many couples find it difficult to be honest and truthful with each other - in a kind and loving way rather than causing hurt and pain?
We are all human, and it's natural that couples have a difference of opinion, expectations and needs in a relationship and it's important these are expressed in an honest, kind, loving and truthful way.
Many couples often go around in circles stuck in their communication styles which are not productive, helpful and leads t further dysfunction. With each person begins to play a little game of being passive aggressive, or perhaps gives the silent treatment, avoid conflict (and in the process disconnect from their partner)
Then there is the fully fighting couple who are not afraid to yell and argument where nothing is held back - with the intent to hurt the other. In the heat of the moment, they are focusing on each of their own anger and being right - rather than working together to move forward.
I want to share this gem of a video with you - on what happens if arguments were honest?
Do you recognise yourself in here?
Linda Connors is Europe's Leading Sex Hypnotherapist and she also works with individuals and couples to improve their relationship through the hypnotherapy relationship coaching programme.
You can create the change today in your relationship by contacting me on 075 3421 3557.
In our fast evolving technology society there is an epidemic occurring behind closed doors which many in the medical profession, therapists and parents are ignoring or not even aware of - porn addiction in children and teenagers.
Children as young as ten are watching porn. Not just once but every day. These children and adolescents are being informed about sex through hardcore internet porn. This is their sex education. Boys expect their young girlfriend's to be willing, up for anything and at like porn stars. Girls do not know how to create boundaries and to say the words “no”.
These teenagers are having sex in this informative years as machines and are not mentally or emotionally prepared for it. It’s a frightening time, and I fear for these teenagers when they grow up to be adults and have sexual relationships as they simply will not have the skill set to be in a real loving sexual relationship. Especially after their main education is porn - as they sex sexual behaviour as normal.
Imagine a plant that hasn’t be nurtured, loved and water it will grow quite twisted. This is what porn is doing to the children and teenagers of today. Their sense of sex is now twisted and warped.
If these children and teenagers were smoking, taking drugs or drinking parents, schools and the governments, schools and parents would be fast acting.
Are you a parent or carer to children to teenagers?
If you are a parent - my advice is to talk to your children about this openly. Don't put it off it's essential to do it now. Don't be afraid to place restrictions on your child's phone or internet use or check their history - your are their parent first and not their friend. If you are vigilant today your child will understand the difference between porn and sex, the real truth of porn and the importance of respect, love and connection. They will thank you for it later when they enter adulthood and able to form loving relationships, have a successful career and experience a healthy emotional state.
Internet Porn addiction is impacting young men now in their mid-twenties
It's happening now - the full effect is hitting them now in their early to mid-twenties and many are contacting me for help. The impact on these young men is, in varying degrees, depression, anxiety, numbness to life, underperforming at work, disconnect from body, sexually objectifying women, extreme sexual fantasy, loss of creativity and focus and many also experience porn induced loss of sex drive, erection issues or early ejaculation.
Are you addicted to Porn?
Have you been watching porn since you were a child or a teenager? Now is the time to act and take the first steps forward. It's essential you someone to work who specialises in this area and understands the full extent of porn addiction on the male psyche, his identity as a man, sexual dysfunctions and emotional issues relating to porn. There are two aspects to porn - one is the addiction aspect and the other side is the impact on the man's sexual life, masculinity, drive, focus and motivation.
About Linda Connors
Linda Connors is Europe's Leading Sex Hypnotherapist and has creatived the 1-2-1 Porn Addiction Recovery Programme for men who want to stop watching porn and get their life, relationships, sex and career back on track.
To apply for the porn addiction programme please call 075 3421 3557 for a free telephone consultation.
Vaginismus - how to have sex pain free with calmness, confidence and ease
In my last article I discussed what causes Vaginismus and today I am want to share how to resolve vaginismus and how you can learn to have sex with freedom, calmness, confidence and ease.
For women who have vaginismus, sex is very challenging because the vagina tenses up and blocks the penis from entering the vagina. It is very difficult to imagine having sex when fear and anxiety is connected to ever thoughts about sex.
Many women need professional help and support to take these steps to having sex for the first time. So today I want to share with you some suggestions to help you prepare your mind, body and heart to have sex for the first time, or perhaps to have sex after a long time.
Relaxation and breathing exercises
Your body and vagina have set up an unconscious behaviour pattern which causes the vagina and body to tense and put up barriers to block any attempts to sex. Learning how to relax your mind and body is essential to overcome vaginismus as if you are scared or anxious your body will immediately tense especially your vagina. Practising yoga and meditation are both wonderful ways to relax and connect with your body.
Talk openly with your partner
Make the unconscious conscious - talk with your partner how you feel, how your body reacts and what your fears are. Don't keep your partner in the dark. Women are often afraid to speak up and share with their partners how they are feeling and what is happening as they worry about the pressure to have sex.
Also, let your partner share with you his feelings and thoughts. This conversation is the gateway to honesty, support and deeper love.
Be intimate with your partner
Don't let vaginismus stop you from being close with your partner. There are others ways to be intimate with other sexually without having sexual intercourse. Massage, kissing, stroking, cuddling and touching each other are wonderful ways to connect with each other on a heart level. Often women who experience vaginismus often fear if they are intimate in this way that it will lead to their partner wanting to have sex - this is why it is essential to be open and honest with each other.
Use dilators to retrain your vagina
Dilators can help to retrain your vagina and create a new body memory of being open, relaxed and safe when you have something in your vagina.
As you go on your vaginismus healing journey remember to take time out to celebrate each achievement and success, feel empowered by them as you continue to take a step towards reaching a fulfilled and happy sex life. If you insert a dilator in deeper than before or your use the next size up - celebrate! When your partner can insert his finger in your vagina or able to insert even the tip of his penis in your vagina - Celebrate!
Vaginismus Treatment Programme
As Europe's leading sex hypnotherapist I have created a healing and empowering vaginismus treatment programme which brings together hypnosis, body coaching, meditation and mind-body connection to create healing and retraining your mind, body and heart to be empowered to overcome vaginismus and start to have sex with ease, comfort and confidence.
It's a step by step process which works with your mindset, how you think and changes the way you process and respond to thoughts. You will resolve Vaginismus underlying issues and create a deeper understanding of yourself as women. You will develop and strengthen your resilience, resources and skills within you for inner-belief, calmness, confidence, and emotional well-being. You will learn how to change the behaviour patterns which are embedded in your body and vagina and sex and create a new response and way of being - which is more physically open.
Your next steps
Embrace each new day with an open heart, mind and body as you begin this new journey to connect with who you truly are.
Are you ready to overcome vaginismus and learn how to retrain your mind, body and heart, so you enjoy sex with freedom, ease, comfort and confidence? Call Linda today - she is here to help.
About Linda Connors
Linda Connors is Europe's Leading Sex Hypnotherapist and provides the vaginismus hypnotherapy treatment programme to professional and successful woman so they have more balance, connection and intimacy in their lives.
To speak with Linda and to apply for the 1-2-1- programme please call 075 3431 3557.
What causes Vaginismus
Many women who suffer from vaginismus feel alone, embarrassed and ashamed. They often suffer in silence by avoiding any sexual activity and some women even refuse to start a relationship. Vaginismus is actually a common sexual issue and professional help is available so you can start to have sex with your partner.
To heal and resolve vaginismus you must create change to retrain your mind, body and heart to enable you to have sex with confidence, calmness and ease - and without pain.
What is vaginismus?
Vaginismus is a condition that makes sexual penetration, medical exams and inserting tampons impossible. The muscles around the vagina tense and tighten involuntarily which makes sex and penetration impossible.
How Vaginismus impacts your life
Many women contact me feeling confused and frustrated about vaginismus. They love their partner deeply, yet their bodies will not let them have sex.
They don't understand why their body and vagina responds by tightening, closing, shutting down or putting a wall up - but they know the impact it has on their lives and relationships. These women worrying that they will not be able to get pregnant naturally, experience anxiety about sex being painful and worried their partners may leave them, because they can't have sex. They often lose their identity as a woman and some women will not even start a relationship.
The inner conflict
One side of them wants to have sex and become closer and more intimate with their partner, and other side doesn't want to as it feels safe and secure in the old behaviour patterns - this is the aspect that creates fear and anxiety about sex.
It's essential to work with these two sides - otherwise the inner conflict will become bigger. As we work together on the Vaginismus Hypnotherapy Empowerment Programme you will learn how to get these to two sides to work together to create positive changes and reduce the inner conflict, anxiety and fear.
What causes vaginismus?
It's important to know that each woman is different and therefore each underlying causes are different.
This is the end for part 1. Return back tomorrow for part 2 on how you can overcome vaginismus so you can have sex with ease, confidence and freedom.
About Linda Connors
Linda Connors is Europe's Leading Sex Hypnotherapist and works with women in the UK and around the world to resolve vaginismus so they can enjoy sex with freedom, confidence and ease.
If you also want to break free from vaginismus contact me today o 075 3421 3557.
Linda Connors - Europe's Leading Sex Hypnotherapy and Confidence Coach - London Harley Street
For professional men, women and couples serious about creating an amazing life, improved sex life and relationship, Linda is their go-to Sex Hypnotherapist to discover how to make the necessary changes to live a life of freedom, joy and happiness.